So I walk into the bathroom just now. Not a sole in there. Guy comes in right behind me. There are 4 stalls, all clean so I proceed to the farthest one from the door...let's call it stall 4.

No sooner do I get in there but guy #2 decides to get in stall #3 right next to me, sit down and just take this massively gross sounding dump. I mean wtf...two perfectly good stalls there with a buffer zone.

So I'm sitting there pondering this when guy #3 walks in. Now mind you stall #1 is open as is two. What does he do? Walk down to my stall and try and open the door.

It's like bizzaro bathroom. Please if you can, choose alternating stalls and give people some room.

Are smurf turds blue?

is white people turd white?

better question is what color does a smurf turn when you choke it

You should've told guy #3 "Hey buddy, there is only room for one in here."

So I walk into the bathroom just now. Not a sole in there. Guy comes in right behind me. There are 4 stalls, all clean so I proceed to the farthest one from the door...let's call it stall 4.

No sooner do I get in there but guy #2 decides to get in stall #3 right next to me, sit down and just take this massively gross sounding dump. I mean wtf...two perfectly good stalls there with a buffer zone.

So I'm sitting there pondering this when guy #3 walks in. Now mind you stall #1 is open as is two. What does he do? Walk down to my stall and try and open the door.

It's like bizzaro bathroom. Please if you can, choose alternating stalls and give people some room.
I concur. It's ten times worse, however, when this happens when using a urinal. It's completely unacceptable, if there are other options available, to use a urinal right next to one already in use. If there are only two and it's a tight fit, use the stall.

rksmurf, that must be a record long post for you. You must be exhausted after that Chief Rumesque novella.

aha! my favourite petpeeves!!!

Here, we have this kinda tiny bathroom, one stall, one urinal. I need to take a dump, abso-freacking-lutely NEED TO. I'm walking resolutely toward the bathroom as I see a guy walking in there, maybe witha 10, 15 feet headstart on me, I'm thinking "please God, be it that he needs to take a piss". I walk in and what do I realize? The guy is in the stall, nobody at the urinal and HE'S FREAKING TAKING A PISS!!!

Damn, I tell you, I almost shit in the urinal. :mad:

FM

better question is what color does a smurf turn when you choke it
A deep, dark purple. Or so Gargamel claims in his memoirs.

I get worked up about stall etiquette.

Maybe guy #2 normally dumps in stall #3, just like guy #3 dumps in stall #4. I like taking a dump in the same stall if at all possible so I can continue to carve cool phrases in the wall like "rkmsuf sucks!"

I guess I'm the only one not reading rkmsuf as rksmurf these days...

I get worked up about stall etiquette.
Indeed. You're like Denzel Washington... A Man On Fire.

You should've told guy #3 "Hey buddy, there is only room for one in here."


You know I almost blurted out to guy #2 "Must you sit there?"

Maybe guy #2 normally dumps in stall #3, just like guy #3 dumps in stall #4. I like taking a dump in the same stall if at all possible so I can continue to carve cool phrases in the wall like "rkmsuf sucks!"

buffer zone supercedes stall perference

is white people turd white?



I actually wouldn't know.

Hey, smurf and I finally have something in common. I hate people who don't follow buffer rules, and I hate cowards who piss on the seat in the stall when there are perfectly good urinals available.

And I am horrified that seemingly about 35% to 40% of the population doesn't bother to wash their hands, even coming out of a stall. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?

and I hate cowards who piss on the seat in the stall when there are perfectly good urinals available.
I hate it when people take dumps in the urinals when there are perfectly good seats available.

I saw a guy use the sink for a urinal once...that might be the only time I didn't wash my hands coming out of a public bathroom.

The other guy that fascinates me is the one that voluntarily chooses the little kids urinal. I see them from time to time. Two empty urinals...one a man height and one at little kid height and the little one is utilized.

The other guy that fascinates me is the one that voluntarily chooses the little kids urinal. I see them from time to time. Two empty urinals...one a man height and one at little kid height and the little one is utilized.
Maybe they have little kid pee-pees so they use the little kid urinal.

LOL

I actually wouldn't know.
yeah, cause we all know that a bee's turd is striped black and yellow... :D

FM

Maybe they have little kid pee-pees so they use the little kid urinal.

Perhaps but even more reason to use the big boy urinal and keep the illusion of an enourmous wang intact.

Hey, smurf and I finally have something in common. I hate people who don't follow buffer rules, and I hate cowards who piss on the seat in the stall when there are perfectly good urinals available.

And I am horrified that seemingly about 35% to 40% of the population doesn't bother to wash their hands, even coming out of a stall. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!?
Couldn't agree more...

You should have fun reading this old thread that I started:
http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/showthread.php?t=37805

FM

Everytime guys talk about this, it is always accepted that there are buffer zones. I wonder if this idiots just don't have any guy friends where they can learn that this type of behavior will not be tolerated!

Maybe they have little kid pee-pees so they use the little kid urinal.
or the other way around, he has a ridiculously long wang and he doesn't want it to touch bottom... :)

FM

Everytime guys talk about this, it is always accepted that there are buffer zones. I wonder if this idiots just don't have any guy friends where they can learn that this type of behavior will not be tolerated!


Good point. I just can't imagine what goes through a dude's head in this situation. He's sees me go in #4 and then thinks "Uh, yeah I want to sit as close as possible to him and drop a deuce."

Everytime guys talk about this, it is always accepted that there are buffer zones. I wonder if this idiots just don't have any guy friends where they can learn that this type of behavior will not be tolerated!
I dunno man. If there was shit and wet toilet paper coming out of the commode in stall #1 and #2, I'd definitely go to #3, even if it was next to some other guy.

I saw a guy use the sink for a urinal once...that might be the only time I didn't wash my hands coming out of a public bathroom.

There was a group of us at a Chiefs game at Arrowhead years ago. A bunch of us get up at halftime to hit the john. The line is so damn long and the wait is going to be forever. Steve looks at me and then nods towards the sink. Not sure about now but at the time the handwashing facility wasn't really a sink but like a half-moon thing with water always running out of a pipe that followed the half moon (hope that made sense). Anyway old Steve he walks over to the "sink" unzips and starts to piss (keep in mind this long line of men and nobody is at the sinks washing their hands). I would say withing a minute everyone of these halfmoons was surrounded by guys taking a leak. I bet the ushers were wondering how the bathroom cleared out so quickly.

I dunno man. If there was shit and wet toilet paper coming out of the commode in stall #1 and #2, I'd definitely go to #3, even if it was next to some other guy.


Totally different situation but first of all they were all clean and judging by the speed in which he reached #3 I doubt this guy even checked.

I concur. It's ten times worse, however, when this happens when using a urinal. It's completely unacceptable, if there are other options available, to use a urinal right next to one already in use. If there are only two and it's a tight fit, use the stall.

rksmurf, that must be a record long post for you. You must be exhausted after that Chief Rumesque novella.


if there is only one space between everyone at a urinal (ie everyone having a buffer zone), I absolutely WILL NOT squeeze in there. i have no problem waiting until one or more of them finish. standing right next to a person at the urinals= good chance I'll get peed on

alright I had two recent bathroom experiences Ill share. Im up in NC on vacation with friends and I already have a timid stomcah so after dinner this one night we go to Ingles to get some groceries. While there it hits like a ton of bricks. You know that feeling the puckered sphincter, the pale as ghost feeling, the goosebumps....I turn to 3R and say, "I gotta." and she already knows with a supportive "GO!!". So Im off and I go into this fairly large bathroom and I proceed also to Stall 4, however unfortunately there is only a stall 3 next to me. I proceed to dump with abandon to the tune of Debbie Gibson "Out of the Blue", its just me so Im in full flow. Then some guy sits next to me in stall 3 and unfortunately someone, in the place decides to talk on the mic and the music goes to nothing, Im splashing water everywhere and there is not only just me and the guy but the music has disappeared. When the music finally does come back on it is the next song, a much slower softer song and my dumpage is doing no one any favors. IT sucked.

Than yesterday I was at the store shopping and I simply had to take a leak. So after checking out I parked my buggy by the bathrooma nd walked in. There are 2 urinals and I pick the one on the left. I take a quick summary of what is going on and figure out that the floor is a bit moist and decided my best plan of attack is to add about 8 inches to the range of wear i stand to try and clear the moisture avoiding the actual standing in it. However this exposes me to anyone should they choose to be at the sink which is not blocked in any way from this particular urinal and the guard to my right comes to only chest high, but that should do, since no one else is in there. As soon as I start stream a guy walks in, kinda wierd, in that he goes to the sink but cannot activate the auto faucet(s) neither of them but he tries quite a bit BEFORE he comes to the urinal to my right. Of course I keep the eye trained forward ont he tile which someone has kindly wiped a booger on. Then I notice the guy to the right bending way over and to the left, closer to the guard...either he's fishing out his Johnson or he is trying to eye mine BUT I cant look at him. If I do, and I am wrong it could swing around on me wherein he'll be the one saying, "What the hell are you looking at?" and then it'll be a penis standoff!!! I left finally, and felt molested afterward...I went home and took a Crying Game type shower. Hold me.

lol, penis standoff

hxxp://www.urinaltest.com/

alright I had two recent bathroom experiences Ill share. Im up in NC on vacation with friends and I already have a timid stomcah so after dinner this one night we go to Ingles to get some groceries. While there it hits like a ton of bricks. You know that feeling the puckered sphincter, the pale as ghost feeling, the goosebumps....I turn to 3R and say, "I gotta." and she already knows with a supportive "GO!!". So Im off and I go into this fairly large bathroom and I proceed also to Stall 4, however unfortunately there is only a stall 3 next to me. I proceed to dump with abandon to the tune of Debbie Gibson "Out of the Blue", its just me so Im in full flow. Then some guy sits next to me in stall 3 and unfortunately someone, in the place decides to talk on the mic and the music goes to nothing, Im splashing water everywhere and there is not only just me and the guy but the music has disappeared. When the music finally does come back on it is the next song, a much slower softer song and my dumpage is doing no one any favors. IT sucked.

Than yesterday I was at the store shopping and I simply had to take a leak. So after checking out I parked my buggy by the bathrooma nd walked in. There are 2 urinals and I pick the one on the left. I take a quick summary of what is going on and figure out that the floor is a bit moist and decided my best plan of attack is to add about 8 inches to the range of wear i stand to try and clear the moisture avoiding the actual standing in it. However this exposes me to anyone should they choose to be at the sink which is not blocked in any way from this particular urinal and the guard to my right comes to only chest high, but that should do, since no one else is in there. As soon as I start stream a guy walks in, kinda wierd, in that he goes to the sink but cannot activate the auto faucet(s) neither of them but he tries quite a bit BEFORE he comes to the urinal to my right. Of course I keep the eye trained forward ont he tile which someone has kindly wiped a booger on. Then I notice the guy to the right bending way over and to the left, closer to the guard...either he's fishing out his Johnson or he is trying to eye mine BUT I cant look at him. If I do, and I am wrong it could swing around on me wherein he'll be the one saying, "What the hell are you looking at?" and then it'll be a penis standoff!!! I left finally, and felt molested afterward...I went home and took a Crying Game type shower. Hold me.
Two of the best stories I've heard in a while. LOL!

Hate the people that try to stir up a conversation when you are in the bathroom.

Man, the art of a courtesy flush is lost on a lot of people, as well. If you are bombing the john, you need to be providing a slight distraction so that I don't have to hear every last drop coming out of your ass. Geez, it's not that hard.

alright I had two recent bathroom experiences Ill share. Im up in NC on vacation with friends and I already have a timid stomcah so after dinner this one night we go to Ingles to get some groceries. While there it hits like a ton of bricks. You know that feeling the puckered sphincter, the pale as ghost feeling, the goosebumps....I turn to 3R and say, "I gotta." and she already knows with a supportive "GO!!". So Im off and I go into this fairly large bathroom and I proceed also to Stall 4, however unfortunately there is only a stall 3 next to me. I proceed to dump with abandon to the tune of Debbie Gibson "Out of the Blue", its just me so Im in full flow. Then some guy sits next to me in stall 3 and unfortunately someone, in the place decides to talk on the mic and the music goes to nothing, Im splashing water everywhere and there is not only just me and the guy but the music has disappeared. When the music finally does come back on it is the next song, a much slower softer song and my dumpage is doing no one any favors. IT sucked.

Than yesterday I was at the store shopping and I simply had to take a leak. So after checking out I parked my buggy by the bathrooma nd walked in. There are 2 urinals and I pick the one on the left. I take a quick summary of what is going on and figure out that the floor is a bit moist and decided my best plan of attack is to add about 8 inches to the range of wear i stand to try and clear the moisture avoiding the actual standing in it. However this exposes me to anyone should they choose to be at the sink which is not blocked in any way from this particular urinal and the guard to my right comes to only chest high, but that should do, since no one else is in there. As soon as I start stream a guy walks in, kinda wierd, in that he goes to the sink but cannot activate the auto faucet(s) neither of them but he tries quite a bit BEFORE he comes to the urinal to my right. Of course I keep the eye trained forward ont he tile which someone has kindly wiped a booger on. Then I notice the guy to the right bending way over and to the left, closer to the guard...either he's fishing out his Johnson or he is trying to eye mine BUT I cant look at him. If I do, and I am wrong it could swing around on me wherein he'll be the one saying, "What the hell are you looking at?" and then it'll be a penis standoff!!! I left finally, and felt molested afterward...I went home and took a Crying Game type shower. Hold me.
damn you flasch, two very funny ones. Just can't hold the laughing any longer :D

FM

You know I almost blurted out to guy #2 "Must you sit there?"

You should have gone with "You show that turd who's boss!"

http://www.drinknation.com/urinaltest.php

The other guy that fascinates me is the one that voluntarily chooses the little kids urinal. I see them from time to time. Two empty urinals...one a man height and one at little kid height and the little one is utilized.

Interesting...I'm a regular height guy myself, but just about a week ago, I heard someone on the radio saying that they use the kid's urinal because he can aim low down, which prevents splashback into the groinal area.

Interesting...I'm a regular height guy myself, but just about a week ago, I heard someone on the radio saying that they use the kid's urinal because he can aim low down, which prevents splashback into the groinal area.

so why aren't they all low then

Since we're on the subject...

If there's a handicap stall, what's the protocol for using it? What if the rest are full, is it OK to use it? Is it always fair game for everyone at all times? Is it like a handicap parking spot, where you can't use it no matter what?

I'm not being smug, I really don't know the etiquette here and I've always wondered.

so why aren't they all low then

Lead the charge, my man...lead the charge.

Since we're on the subject...

If there's a handicap stall, what's the protocol for using it? What if the rest are full, is it OK to use it? Is it always fair game for everyone at all times? Is it like a handicap parking spot, where you can't use it no matter what?

I'm not being smug, I really don't know the etiquette here and I've always wondered.

A. Watch Curb Your Enthusiasm. :)

B. That stall is always fair game, in my opinion. Unless you're walking to the can and there's a guy behind you in a wheelchair, leading you to think he might be headed the same way. If you still use it, you're a cold-hearted bastard who deserves to be shot.

Then I notice the guy to the right bending way over and to the left, closer to the guard...either he's fishing out his Johnson or he is trying to eye mine BUT I cant look at him. If I do, and I am wrong it could swing around on me wherein he'll be the one saying, "What the hell are you looking at?" and then it'll be a penis standoff!!! I left finally, and felt molested afterward...I went home and took a Crying Game type shower. Hold me.

I have a buddy who tells a story about how one time at a hockey game he was taking a leak when a guy came in and stood at the urinal next to him even though the bathroom was empty. The dude then looked over at my buddy's nether region, and then looked my buddy in the eye and said, "Nice cock you got there."

I don't think I have to say that my bud got out of there as fast as he could...

Since we're on the subject...

If there's a handicap stall, what's the protocol for using it? What if the rest are full, is it OK to use it? Is it always fair game for everyone at all times? Is it like a handicap parking spot, where you can't use it no matter what?

I'm not being smug, I really don't know the etiquette here and I've always wondered.

Always fair game. I like to use that stall so I can stretch out a bit, instead of being all cramped up in a normal stall.

Not trying to start anything, but just curious about those that are gay and/or bi: Do you check us out when we're peeing?

I have to say that if I could sneak a peek at a woman's vagina, I'd do it.

Always fair game. I like to use that stall so I can stretch out a bit, instead of being all cramped up in a normal stall.
Also think it's fair game although I hate to use it. The seat is usually set higher and even at a hair under six feet, I hate having to sit and only have my toes touch the ground...

FM

Not trying to start anything, but just curious about those that are gay and/or bi: Do you check us out when we're peeing?

I have to say that if I could sneak a peek at a woman's vagina, I'd do it.

Ick. I know I try to avoid those sites that have pics of chicks peeing...

I have a buddy who tells a story about how one time at a hockey game he was taking a leak when a guy came in and stood at the urinal next to him even though the bathroom was empty. The dude then looked over at my buddy's nether region, and then looked my buddy in the eye and said, "Nice cock you got there."

I don't think I have to say that my bud got out of there as fast as he could...


Was it George Michael?

I simply despise public restrooms. The ones at highway rest areas are the worst. Well, no, the ones at bars are. But anyway...

The other guy that fascinates me is the one that voluntarily chooses the little kids urinal. I see them from time to time. Two empty urinals...one a man height and one at little kid height and the little one is utilized.

Well what do you do with the kiddie urinal and the buffer zone etiquette conflict. At work we have 3 urinals , with urinal 2,3 being the adult ones and urinal 1 being the kiddie one. Now if you come in an urinal 3 is filled, do you take 1 or 2. I personally go with the kiddie urinal choice over the violation of buffer zone.

Further complicating the matter is that urinal 3 is right right next to shitter stall 1. So if you come in and someone is taking a big dump in stall one, do you take urinal 3 (the usual preference), urinal 2 the middle one (and risk people coming in behind you which forces an instant buffer zone violation) or go with the kiddie urinal and distance yourself as much as possible?

At work we have 3 urinals , with urinal 2,3 being the adult ones and urinal 1 being the kiddie one.
I don't remember reading where you work, but please tell me it's not a cubicle ladden place with only engineers and the likes :D

FM

I don't remember reading where you work, but please tell me it's not a cubicle ladden place with only engineers and the likes :D

FM

Oh yes, with a few finance folks thrown in for kicks. But don't worry, it's not in Canada.

Edit: and no kids or midgets in sight, so don't ask why we have a 33% rate of kiddie urinals.

Oh yes, with a few finance folks thrown in for kicks. But don't worry, it's not in Canada.

Edit: and no kids or midgets in siight, so don't ask why we have a 33% rate of kiddie yournals.
before your edit, I was gonna ask you if you had any 8yo working in accounting or something like that... :D

FM

before your edit, I was gonna ask you if you had any 8yo working in accounting or something like that... :D

FM

It's like a Dilbert cartoon. The rest of the company is just as confusing.

so why aren't they all low then
the splashback to your shoes is bigger than the risk of splashback to the groin area...

FM

It's like a Dilbert cartoon. The rest of the company is just as confusing.
Great analogy! :D

FM

Ick. I know I try to avoid those sites that have pics of chicks peeing...
Do you really have to "try" to avoid them? Or do you every so often accidentally come across one while looking for scores in espn.com or something? :D

Do you really have to "try" to avoid them? Or do you every so often accidentally come across one while looking for scores in espn.com or something? :D

for Jeeber

----------------------------------------------------------

Fla. Office Manager Arrested After Restroom Cam Found

POSTED: 8:30 am EST March 3, 2006
UPDATED: 8:38 am EST March 3, 2006

A mortgage company manager in Hobe Sound, Fla., was arrested after a worker found a camera connected from an office restroom to a monitor on his desk, according to a Local 6 News report.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IMAGES: More strange stories, images
MOST POPULAR: Woman Bakes Bread Model Of Naked Body
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Investigators in Martin County said Rex Largent mounted the camera under the sink at his mortgage company to apparently film people in the restroom.

A woman in the office spotted the camera and reported him.

Largent claimed he bought the camera as a toy and did not use it when people were in the restroom.

Watch Local 6 News for more on this story.

hxxp://www.local6.com/news/7645282/detail.html

Do you really have to "try" to avoid them? Or do you every so often accidentally come across one while looking for scores in espn.com or something? :D

I'm a man. I search for porn. But sometimes I see girls peeing by mistake. :(

Umm...can we not glaze over this unrelated story?

MOST POPULAR: Woman Bakes Bread Model Of Naked Body

But sometimes I see girls peeing by mistake. :(
You owe me a new keyboard. I wouldn't mind a refill on the coffee, either.

This thread needs a Farrah post.

This thread needs a Farrah post.

Just wait until she gets off the pot, plz.

Farrah is doing a dootie?

Since we're on the subject...

If there's a handicap stall, what's the protocol for using it? What if the rest are full, is it OK to use it? Is it always fair game for everyone at all times? Is it like a handicap parking spot, where you can't use it no matter what?

I'm not being smug, I really don't know the etiquette here and I've always wondered.
I'll run you over. http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/images/smilies/biggrin.gif

I'll run you over. http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/images/smilies/biggrin.gif
LOL! :D

FM

You owe me a new keyboard. I wouldn't mind a refill on the coffee, either.

I was fighting uncontrollable laughter through this whole thread, but this post made me lose it. I don't know why bathroom humor gets to me so much, but it does.

Oh yes, with a few finance folks thrown in for kicks. But don't worry, it's not in Canada.

Edit: and no kids or midgets in sight, so don't ask why we have a 33% rate of kiddie urinals.

Have that beat...bathroom on my floor is 4 stalls, 2 urinals, 1 being a kiddie.

As for a bathroom story...this happened to me about 3 weeks after I started this job...

The bathrooms are out in the hallways, not contained within the working area. Since we are a 'secure floor' and use badges to unlock the doors, they've put keypads on the bathroom doors (which, I never understood--we're on the 13th floor, not like someone would walk in off the street and head up the elevators to use our bathrooms...)

Anyway, the keypads are key to this story.

I walk out, punch in the code, each key making an annoying beeping sound, which can be heard inside the bathroom. Turn the handle, and walk in. Just as the door shuts behind me, stall door #2 opens. This guy, who I thought to be a little odd when I first met him, exits the stall...with his pants halfway pulled up...shuffling along. I just freeze and look at him, he looks back..."There is no TP in that one..." and continues shuffling to the next stall.

I always wonder about the moaning going on next stall over. Who the hell moans when they drop a deuce? I don't. Do you?

I always wonder about the moaning going on next stall over. Who the hell moans when they drop a deuce? I don't. Do you?

No, another excellent point. It's amazing the theatrics some guys go through.

I always wonder about the moaning going on next stall over. Who the hell moans when they drop a deuce? I don't. Do you?
no I don't but that's not why I'm posting. Our two year old groans when trying to push something in his diaper. Think a truck on the jake brakes. I can tell you that if I heard a guy groan like him (or even moan a little) in the next stall over, I'd lose it. Seriously, I don't think I could stop laughing for a dang long time :D

FM

If I've had some superhot Mexican I groan a lot.

Come to think of it, I groan over any superhot chick.

my crap in NC, prior to my guest showing up, had me doing the toilet tip toe two step while dropping my liquid fire. Thats sucks especially considering that my neighbor could probably see my dance...

If I've had some superhot Mexican I groan a lot.

Come to think of it, I groan over any superhot chick.
please report to EagleFan's "Is this wrong?" thread... :)

FM

I'm like ice in there. Grip it and rip it in complete silence and minimal movement.

I can't recall if it was Vet Stadium or the old JFK (where they used to play the Army/Navy game) in Philadelphia - you Philly guys will have to help me out - but one of those places had urinals like circular bath tubs on the floor. I kid you not. You had to stand there and drain the main vein with a dozen other drunk guys staring you down. It was like a urination circle jerk.

That was just w-r-o-n-g. :o

I can't recall if it was Vet Stadium or the old JFK (where they used to play the Army/Navy game) in Philadelphia - you Philly guys will have to help me out - but one of those places had urinals like circular bath tubs on the floor. I kid you not. You had to stand there and drain the main vein with a dozen other drunk guys staring you down. It was like a urination circle jerk.

That was just w-r-o-n-g. :o

Fenway I think had the troughs way more recently than you'd think. The local stadium in town had troughs probably as recently as 5 or 6 years ago. You pee into essentially a gutter.

I think Yankee stadium, and other old stadiums still have the troughs. I always feel like cattle when I step up to them.

I always wonder about the moaning going on next stall over. Who the hell moans when they drop a deuce? I don't. Do you?
I always seem to get the stall next to the Monica Seles of dumpers. I don't even make those kinds of noises in the privacy of my own bathroom, let alone in public, when I know others are in there with me.

This thread has 48 more pages to go before it takes the Maximum Football thread. Keep up the good work.

Personally, I have a fortress of solitude at work where I do my business. Like 3 floors up, sometimes I do flybys to make sure the landing is clear.

keep Flere out of this thread or many computers will be ruined!!

Fenway I think had the troughs way more recently than you'd think. The local stadium in town had troughs probably as recently as 5 or 6 years ago. You pee into essentially a gutter.

Man those troughs were the worst. Smelled awful and you had to squeeze in anywhere you could. So you're going while touching hip to hip with two other guys.

Well what do you do with the kiddie urinal and the buffer zone etiquette conflict. At work we have 3 urinals , with urinal 2,3 being the adult ones and urinal 1 being the kiddie one. Now if you come in an urinal 3 is filled, do you take 1 or 2. I personally go with the kiddie urinal choice over the violation of buffer zone.

Further complicating the matter is that urinal 3 is right right next to shitter stall 1. So if you come in and someone is taking a big dump in stall one, do you take urinal 3 (the usual preference), urinal 2 the middle one (and risk people coming in behind you which forces an instant buffer zone violation) or go with the kiddie urinal and distance yourself as much as possible?

Go to #3. It's the guy in stall #1's fault for going in there in the first place.

Have that beat...bathroom on my floor is 4 stalls, 2 urinals, 1 being a kiddie.

As for a bathroom story...this happened to me about 3 weeks after I started this job...

The bathrooms are out in the hallways, not contained within the working area. Since we are a 'secure floor' and use badges to unlock the doors, they've put keypads on the bathroom doors (which, I never understood--we're on the 13th floor, not like someone would walk in off the street and head up the elevators to use our bathrooms...)

Anyway, the keypads are key to this story.

I walk out, punch in the code, each key making an annoying beeping sound, which can be heard inside the bathroom. Turn the handle, and walk in. Just as the door shuts behind me, stall door #2 opens. This guy, who I thought to be a little odd when I first met him, exits the stall...with his pants halfway pulled up...shuffling along. I just freeze and look at him, he looks back..."There is no TP in that one..." and continues shuffling to the next stall.LOL! That was an awesome story!

when i pee in stalls (if no urinals are available) i normally pee on the handle and if i'm drunk or in a bad mood i'll pee on the toilet paper.

We have two urinals at work, and I'm the only one there. One of my supervisors comes in, starts going in the other urinal, and mid-piss starts giving me a list of work to get done! :eek:

We have two urinals at work, and I'm the only one there. One of my supervisors comes in, starts going in the other urinal, and mid-piss starts giving me a list of work to get done! :eek:

I think I would have turned to face him. You know, give him your full attention and all.

I think I would have turned to face him. You know, give him your full attention and all.

Well, there are high splash guards (chest or neck height), so it wouldn't have been a huge faux pas.

As the case was, I kind of mumbled out a "uh-huh".

You know what is so gross? A couple of summers ago, i went to a camping with my wife and friends. I went to the the WC with a friend and saw that the stalls had what is called here Turkish baths. It's the kind of stall that is just a hole in the floor, without sit, where you dump standing up and flexing your knees. I hate that kind of stalls but anyway, i walked into the WC and saw suddenly two extended legs outside one of the stalls doors (it was a door open in the bottom). I thought, wtf?? and looked to my friend who was also confussed... so, that guy is sitting on the hole???? where everybody piss and dump??? nobody told him that you don't need to sit on that kind of stalls??? argggggggggg


(I hope the story is underestandable, i haven't ever written in English about a WC, dumping, pissing etc before so i don't know the right words :) )

What about the folded up sports section you find in the toilet stall? Anyone grab it when they sit down? I won't, even if I'm going to be sitting there awhile.

During my last urinalysis, I was standing on the blue line that was a few feet away from the urinals. The reason for this is so the observer can see you urinate into the bottle.

At this point I'm the only one in the room. The observer tells me, "Please step behind the blue line."

I couldn't help myself. I turned and faced him with one hand holding the bottle and the other holding off my urine and said, "Which blue line?"

I just can't believe that you guys shit anywhere other than home. That's absolutely DISCUSTING. I wouldn't be suprised if half of you had crabs.

Ahh, there's nothing like good bathroom humor to bring a tear to my eyes.

I had a bathroom experience at work the other day that just left me baffled. I swear I work with some of the biggest pigs on earth. I walk into the bathroom after lunch, bad idea because it is jammed packed full. All the stalls are full and 3 of the 4 urinals are full. So I mull around because I dont like to stand directly next to anyone taking a leak. Something about the fact that if we rub shoulders, his hand is on his wang and mine is one mine. So I mull around the sinks and one of the guys brushing his teeth is finished brushing and decides to rinse. Well instead of cupping his hand to get the water out of the faucet, he sucks on the faucet like a teet. I'm thinking "someone just took a dump and washed their hands there and now you are sucking it like a nipple." There goes brushing your teeth.

So I finally get a urinal and I am one of those people who likes to just stare straight ahead and not say anything, but the guy next to me is a talker. He strikes up a conversation with me. We are talking and right in mid sentence for him (while peeing) he ripped a loud ass fart. If that wasnt enough he lets out a groan right at the end. I was totally disgusted. Needless to say if I see that guy in the bathroom anymore I just walk right out.

I'm so glad I never pee in public.

I just can't believe that you guys shit anywhere other than home. That's absolutely DISCUSTING. I wouldn't be suprised if half of you had crabs.So what, you hold it every day at work? I guess no Taco Bell lunches for you.

I'm there, or truthfully, try not to be there in public stalls. Luckily on my floor, we have a men's bathroom with 2 urinals and 2 stalls. But...right next door is the men's locker room with a separate bathroom with a shower. There I can go in close the door between the lockers area and the bathroom, and then close the stall door. There's a sign on the door not to lock in case someone wants to use the shower. I always lock the door.

Somewhat related story. Last week we had some visitors from a sea-level city (Jacksonville, I think). Predictably, there's always one visitor that can't handle the high altitude and ends up puking all over the bathroom floor. Don't think I've been back in there since then.

I'm a man. I search for porn. But sometimes I see girls peeing by mistake. :(
Wait till you see the "Firehose", it's pretty funny. Shit, did I just say that?

I'm a man. I search for porn. But sometimes I see girls peeing by mistake. :(Jeeber you promised you'd never tell anyone about the pics I sent you...http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/images/smilies/eek.gif

Jeeber you promised you'd never tell anyone about the pics I sent you...http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/images/smilies/eek.gif

A photo of the moment you found out you were pregnant? Is the blue stripe visible?

Kool Aid Man Voice Oh yeahhh! /Kool Aid Man Voice

A photo of the moment you found out you were pregnant? Is the blue stripe visible?I was more thinking of the time I had to use the restroom in the Tokyo airport...

Kool Aid Man Voice Oh yeahhh! /Kool Aid Man VoiceI think this is as succinct as it gets. It fits perfectly.

Here is a question concerning the buffer zone. What happens if the only appropriate buffer zone urinal has a large amount of urine on the floor in front of it and there are no available stalls? Is waiting at the sink the only acceptable course of action here?

Stalls sounds like the next Coldplay album

I used to not like dropping a deuce in a public stall, but eventually you just get hooked on the pot.

Anywhere, on my floor there are 7 stalls (2/2/2/1 in the three bathrooms). What I hate is the guy who comes in when I'm dropping one in the large stall, then he sits in the stall right next to me. Dude, just go somewhere else, you have 5 other choices on the floor. Given that there's 3 other floors exactly like that, he has 17 other choices, and my last count was there's 9 stalls on the first floor, so he really has 26 other places he could crap. I really doubt all of those are occupied. Needless to say, I try to use the lone bathroom as often as possible.

However, the other day, I was relaxing in the solo bathroom, and about 3 minutes in a guy came in, try the stall door... backed off, then tried it again... what, did I magically stop crapping and exit in the three seconds? Then instead of leaving, I can hear him breathing and just waiting outside the stall. So I say fuck it, I'm waiting him out. I take out my watch, he ends up waiting 10 more minutes... WTF? This has to break some kind of ettiquette rule.

Here is a question concerning the buffer zone. What happens if the only appropriate buffer zone urinal has a large amount of urine on the floor in front of it and there are no available stalls? Is waiting at the sink the only acceptable course of action here?You either have to stand back or get flexible... or pee in the sink... god knows how often i did that in college.

Wait till you see the "Firehose", it's pretty funny. Shit, did I just say that?

i like you when you're normal, and not a grumpy sour-puss. i think we got off on the wrong foot somewhere along the way.

Hi, I'm Hell Atlantic.

I used to not like dropping a deuce in a public stall, but eventually you just get hooked on the pot.

Anywhere, on my floor there are 7 stalls (2/2/2/1 in the three bathrooms). What I hate is the guy who comes in when I'm dropping one in the large stall, then he sits in the stall right next to me. Dude, just go somewhere else, you have 5 other choices on the floor. Given that there's 3 other floors exactly like that, he has 17 other choices, and my last count was there's 9 stalls on the first floor, so he really has 26 other places he could crap. I really doubt all of those are occupied. Needless to say, I try to use the lone bathroom as often as possible.

However, the other day, I was relaxing in the solo bathroom, and about 3 minutes in a guy came in, try the stall door... backed off, then tried it again... what, did I magically stop crapping and exit in the three seconds? Then instead of leaving, I can hear him breathing and just waiting outside the stall. So I say fuck it, I'm waiting him out. I take out my watch, he ends up waiting 10 more minutes... WTF? This has to break some kind of ettiquette rule.


When I was living in LA I shared a 2 BR/1 bath with 2 other guys. I shared a bedroom. That sucked. anyways, there was a rule that if someone was taking a shower, one of the other guys COULD use the sink area to get ready in the morning. It took some time to get used to this. anyways, not many rules were in place cuz many of them were just assumed. Then this new guy, that took over the other room when we all moved in (new in that we didnt really know him) decided to press the issue. One day im in the shower and I hear someone come in, not unusual but after about 2 minutes the smell was overwhelming, I peek out and CCD is on the toilet dropping a fecal bomb. I was over the top pissed. As soon as the situation was over there was a roommate meeting where the rules were laid out!! in full, no droppin' deuces during morning prayers.


EDIT: Keep in mind this was one of those tiny bathrooms where it went, shower, next to sink, next to toilet...no seperation.

This thread is gold.

Along the same lines as bathroom ettiquite, everyone on our Hall in college pretty much had it figured out that even though it was a double shower in the hall bathroom, that only one person would use it at a time. Except for this one dude, who apparently didn't figure this out, or didn't care. If I'm taking a relaxing shower, I sure as hell don't want some dude soaping up 3 feet from me. It's not like we are in the military or something.

Along the same lines as bathroom ettiquite, everyone on our Hall in college pretty much had it figured out that even though it was a double shower in the hall bathroom, that only one person would use it at a time. Except for this one dude, who apparently didn't figure this out, or didn't care. If I'm taking a relaxing shower, I sure as hell don't want some dude soaping up 3 feet from me. It's not like we are in the military or something.Did you drop the soap?

You either have to stand back or get flexible... or pee in the sink... god knows how often i did that in college.

I was debating whether I wanted to open up this thread to "college bathroom mishaps," but I might have to sleep on it.

So what about this move. I'll call this guy the "proud pooper".

So I'm in a stall, guy comes in and enters another stall. Next is a string of noises coming out of his ass I can compare to nothing. Apocalyptic acoustic activity.

All goes quiet finally and I start to finish up. Now it was clear I was concluding the cleanup process because of the noise made by the toilet paper. To me, and this is just me, if I'm the guy who just made those noises I'd prefer to remain anonymous. Neither one of us knows who is in the other stall. The move is to wait until I'm long gone right?

So next I hear him with the toilet paper. I'm like is he really coming out here? Low and behold he emerges as I'm at the sink without a care in the world.

I'd almost rather shit my britches than poop amongst the unwashed masses.

Almost.

I hate the guys who have to slam everything around. Slam the door shut. Slam down the seat. Let 'er riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!


Assholes.

I hate the guys who take dumps in the urinals.

You know I almost blurted out to guy #2 "Must you sit there?"

I don't understand what the guy in number #3 was doing, but I can make a defence for the guy in #2.

Assuming #1 is the cubical that is nearest the door and the one that's nearest the urinals it will see a lot of stand-up custom, people who use it when the urinals are being used or if they are packing a trouser-tiddler and want the privacy of a cubical. If that assumption is true, there's a good chance that the seat in cubical #1 will be covered in pee or dried up pee. So #2 could be the correct choice.

I hate the guys who have to slam everything around. Slam the door shut. Slam down the seat. Let 'er riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip!

I hate people who use mobile phones in the restroom. Always make a point of flushing multiple times if somebody is on the crapper chatting away in a neighboring cubicle.

I've wanted to put a sign at work featuring "The Dirty Dozen" with pictures of guys who don't wash their hands. Maybe public shame would help...

Trouser-tiddler???

I'd almost rather shit my britches than poop amongst the unwashed masses.

Almost.


Anyone ever make this conscious decision? I faced it once while at this huge flea market out in the middle of nowhere. As I'm admiring all the junk I get this explosive feeling and realize poo is imminent.

I proceed to find one of the only few port o toilets on the grounds, open the door to behold just a horrific mess. This was the critical point where I had to make the call. Shit my pants or endure the process of shitting in the port o potty.

Ultimately I determined riding home with shit in my pants was not the way to go, held my breath and got on with it.

Trouser-tiddler???


LOL, now what exactly is that?

Trouser-tiddler???

Sorry. I thought the word tiddler was world-wide for "small fish". It now appears that the phrase trouser-tiddler relies heavily on UK slang. Please cross it out and replace it with "tiny dick" to make my post more universally readable.

It happened again. I'm in #4 and 1,2,3 are clear and a guy sets up shop in #3.

George is getting upset with these stall mind games.

Just a suggestion. When you enter and nobody is in there, go into #3, lock the door, and then climb under the door into stall 4. Built in buffer zone there.

Just a suggestion. When you enter and nobody is in there, go into #3, lock the door, and then climb under the door into stall 4. Built in buffer zone there.

I'll even bring an extra pair of shoes to put there.

and then climb under the door into stall 4
Sorry, but unless you're Elastic Man that involves far too much contact with a nasty restroom floor. Ick. :p

Alternately, print up an "Out of order" sign and tape it to #3 every time you go into #4.

Sorry, but unless you're Elastic Man that involves far too much contact with a nasty restroom floor. Ick. :p

oh I guess I'll need a haz mat suit as well.

spare shoes
haz mat suit
something to put the haz mat suit in before and after

this is getting complicated

Alternately, print up an "Out of order" sign and tape it to #3 every time you go into #4.

He'd probably proceed anyway. Flushing means nothing to the shall mind game guy.

Or the ever popular option of saying, "Hey, cheese dick, why don't you move down a stall or two? This isn't freakin' Waltons Mountain in here."

Or the ever popular option of saying, "Hey, cheese dick, why don't you move down a stall or two? This isn't freakin' Waltons Mountain in here."

You never know when the pooper will come in your stall throwing haymakers.

Smear a melted hershey kiss over seat #3? I'd hope that'd keep mind game guy out of stall 3.

You never know when the pooper will come in your stall throwing haymakers.
Or, monkey like, throwing poo.

Or, monkey like, throwing poo.

I mean yeah, I don't want incoming over my stall wall.

Smear a melted hershey kiss over seat #3? I'd hope that'd keep mind game guy out of stall 3.

I think I'll go with liquid heat, revenge of the nerds style and hope he's one of those guys that touches the rim with his dong.

and hope he's one of those guys that touches the rim with his dong.
As opposed to tucking?

As opposed to tucking?

Is suspect this guy isn't as vigilant at tucking as he should be.

Is suspect this guy isn't as vigilant at tucking as he should be.
You mean he's just generally irresponsible with his Johnson, or taht it's so mutated and massive that it's flopping around like an unchecked bobblehead?

Nah... you don't need to climb under. You can turn those latches from the outside with a quarter. Hell, now that I think of it, I'll probably lock all the stalls the next time I have to take the Browns to the Super Bowl...

You mean he's just generally irresponsible with his Johnson, or taht it's so mutated and massive that it's flopping around like an unchecked bobblehead?

I hadn't thought that deeply about it but I'll go with irresponsible johnson.

And this time he was reading in there.

Who designs some of these bar bathrooms? A urinal and a toilet at 90 degree angles to each other and about two feet apart with a door that opens directly into the hallway where the line for the women's room is. Standing ass-to-ass with a total stranger trying to pee while you hope no one opens the door. George would have keeled over.

obviously the guy is not inhibited, there is a greater likelihood of him tossing a rectal grenade or visiting your stall in a pre-emptive strike should you speak up. Might be better to keep quiet and suffer in silence lest youre prepared for some social midget to do something against the grain.

that's kind of my thought. then I tried to play a little "stall chicken". I'll just sit here with my ears blocked until you vacate and then finish up my business. the guy is good. I couldn't wait him out.

You know what is so gross? A couple of summers ago, i went to a camping with my wife and friends. I went to the the WC with a friend and saw that the stalls had what is called here Turkish baths. It's the kind of stall that is just a hole in the floor, without sit, where you dump standing up and flexing your knees. I hate that kind of stalls but anyway, i walked into the WC and saw suddenly two extended legs outside one of the stalls doors (it was a door open in the bottom). I thought, wtf?? and looked to my friend who was also confussed... so, that guy is sitting on the hole???? where everybody piss and dump??? nobody told him that you don't need to sit on that kind of stalls??? argggggggggg


(I hope the story is underestandable, i haven't ever written in English about a WC, dumping, pissing etc before so i don't know the right words :) )

I know right where your coming from. About a year ago, I got a real real bad case of diaharea. I was taking all the over the counter stuff to stop it, but nothin helped. So, i was on a bus, and the whole time I have to let it go, and it's just about to leak out when we pull over. There is a outdoor stall, but I walk in and it's just a hole in the ground like you described. No TP, no place to sit, just a whole. I turn around, squat, and KAPLOOM, an atomic explosion of water and junk comes out. Needless to say, my knees were VERY sore by the end of my excursion to that hole.

How do I miss these threads?

Nah... you don't need to climb under. You can turn those latches from the outside with a quarter. Hell, now that I think of it, I'll probably lock all the stalls the next time I have to take the Browns to the Super Bowl...

Just FYI... I tested this tactic out today, and it worked flawlessly. Even during the busy "right after lunch" hour, I had the place to myself. Nobody even tested the empty stalls. They all pretended to just wash their hands and leave me in peace.

This will now be my standard operating procedure for office movements... lock all the stalls. Quick, somebody google me a picture of those guys from the Guiness commercials...

I just guessed that your new tactic was to put your hands to your face and make loud farting noises whenever people came into the restroom. That'd scare 'em off ;)

SI

Just FYI... I tested this tactic out today, and it worked flawlessly. Even during the busy "right after lunch" hour, I had the place to myself. Nobody even tested the empty stalls. They all pretended to just wash their hands and leave me in peace.

This will now be my standard operating procedure for office movements... lock all the stalls. Quick, somebody google me a picture of those guys from the Guiness commercials...

Lock all the stalls? Man, that's a dick move.

Lock all the stalls? Man, that's a dick move.

Clogging all the urinals would be a dick move. Locking the stalls is more of an ass move.

Lock all the stalls? Man, that's a dick move.

Look, there's about 500 people in my building, about 250 on each floor. On my floor, there's three different bathrooms. I always pick the one in the corner, which only has two stalls anyway. I occupy one, I block the other, I go in peace. I'm hardly keeping anyone from having access to a stall - the other two bathrooms have three stalls.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

I'm fascinated that the people at your work can't figure out how to unlock the stall.

Look, there's about 500 people in my building, about 250 on each floor. On my floor, there's three different bathrooms. I always pick the one in the corner, which only has two stalls anyway. I occupy one, I block the other, I go in peace. I'm hardly keeping anyone from having access to a stall - the other two bathrooms have three stalls.

Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Still a dick move.

I hope one day when you really have to take a dump that someone tried your manuever and thus you have to run to the next closest bathroom while trying not to shit your pants :p.

I'm fascinated that the people at your work can't figure out how to unlock the stall.

Path of least resistance, I suppose. They don't want to be caught looking to see if there's really someone in there, and it's easier to walk to another bathroom.

Like I said, with three on each floor, I don't worry too much about it. I can always find a stall if it's urgent - I just prefer to find one with at least a buffer zone.

Path of least resistance, I suppose. They don't want to be caught looking to see if there's really someone in there, and it's easier to walk to another bathroom.

Like I said, with three on each floor, I don't worry too much about it. I can always find a stall if it's urgent - I just prefer to find one with at least a buffer zone.

Uh, but if they are trying to open the door and discover it's locked then they have already determined that it is empty. I hope.

I like the move though. You should leave both locked when you leave the bathroom. You could have yourself a private office in there.

...You should leave both locked when you leave the bathroom. You could have yourself a private office in there.

No, absolutely not. Think, man, think! If I keep the empty stalls locked for too long, people will start to catch on. This is a tactic that has to be used sparingly, or I'll risk losing the advantage.

As it is, I expect to have to move around a lot, just to make sure I don't alienate the same area too often. People are habitual about where they go to the bathroom. But there are seven buildings here where I work, all with at least two floors (some with four), and at least three bathrooms per floor. If I spread it out, nobody will get wise to my clever tactic.

No, absolutely not. Think, man, think! If I keep the empty stalls locked for too long, people will start to catch on. This is a tactic that has to be used sparingly, or I'll risk losing the advantage.

As it is, I expect to have to move around a lot, just to make sure I don't alienate the same area too often. People are habitual about where they go to the bathroom. But there are seven buildings here where I work, all with at least two floors (some with four), and at least three bathrooms per floor. If I spread it out, nobody will get wise to my clever tactic.

You should draw a map like in Lost that Locke saw of all the hatches and keep track.

I considered putting this in the Cell Phone thread, but then remembered this one, and figured I'd resurrect it...

Got this story second hand, a girl both my wife and I are friends with, and I happen to work with (my "work wife", who tries her best to keep me out of trouble).

She heads into the women's room, 4 stalls on each side. She sees feet in stalls 1 and 3 on the left, so heads to the right side. As she's walking, she hears someone talking "So, what's up?". A little shocked, she just stays quiet and heads into the stall. A little more small talk before she figures out one of the two people already in there is in a stall, on their cell phone.

The non-offending person finishes up, heads to the sink. The talker ends her conversation, flips her phone shut...and let's all hell break loose. Followed by a sigh of relief, and then announces, I guess to whoever might be listening, "No more ice cream for me!" By the voice, my friend figures out it is one of the newer hires here.

My friend finishes her business, heads to the sinks...just then, her manager walks in. And the talker exits her stall. The manager acknowledges my friend, and the talker and asks how she is.

The talker responds "ALOT better now! I got ice cream from McDonald's, and I'm not supposed to have milk. It killed me!"

That is one hell of an impression to make after about 3 weeks on the job!

You mutha.

Sitting in stall #4 and the stall #3 snuggler strikes again. Nobody in 1,2, or 3 and this guy settles into #3.

Madness I tell you.

You mutha.

Sitting in stall #4 and the stall #3 snuggler strikes again. Nobody in 1,2, or 3 and this guy settles into #3.

Madness I tell you.When I'm forced to pick one of the small stalls, I take the one on the end and then pilfer the TP out of the one next to me to prevent stall-snuggling. Muahahahaha!

George is getting upset!

OK, new one yesterday. I'm hanging out in stall 3, there are 3 stalls and two urinals in this bathroom. Not another soul in the restroom with me when this guy comes in, makes a beeline for stall two and proceeds to take a leak. No hesitation at all when choosing his target either which concerns me. I'm all paranoid sitting there thinking the dude is like really tall or something and is going to peek over the wall. I actually check to make sure he's not looking down into the stall.

So the guy starts to go and it was like he had power washer in there. I swear he must not have peed for days. And to top it all off he rips off a couple farts as he is standing there.

Serenity now!

What's wrong with farting while peeing? I figure its better to rip off a few farts in the bathroom while peeing rather than ripping them off in the office or in line somewhere.

Hell, if I have a massive fart coming on, I'll use the bathroom to let loose, and then return to what I was doing.

What's wrong with farting while peeing? I figure its better to rip off a few farts in the bathroom while peeing rather than ripping them off in the office or in line somewhere.

Hell, if I have a massive fart coming on, I'll use the bathroom to let loose, and then return to what I was doing.

What's so very wrong is that this person decided to do it in the stall right next to me when the proper procedure is to go into stall #1 to do that. Or go to the urinal man. I mean our feet were no more than 8 inches apart!

I've been violated.

Sorry, I missed the part about the buffer zone.

What I hate is when people go in their own office to fart. Then you walk in, and the fart cloud is just hanging there and you walk smack into it with no warning.

You need to spend some quality time in my office. We only have two stalls. No choice (other than do you take the handicapped stall if it is empty).

You need to spend some quality time in my office. We only have two stalls. No choice (other than do you take the handicapped stall if it is empty).

I would feel much better about the whole thing if there were no stall choice.

You need to spend some quality time in my office. We only have two stalls. No choice (other than do you take the handicapped stall if it is empty).

I always take the handicap stall. There is only one other full-time guy in our office, and the other office on our floor has been vacant for over a year. It's almost like having a private bathroom.

Not sure if this problem has been mentioned or not ... but what about those bathrooms where the lighting is motion detector, with a timer? So if you're sitting there for a while, and nobody comes in, the lights go out. What's the solution?

Not sure if this problem has been mentioned or not ... but what about those bathrooms where the lighting is motion detector, with a timer? So if you're sitting there for a while, and nobody comes in, the lights go out. What's the solution?


Throw a roll of extra paper? If you're on the seat long enough for the light to go off, you've got bigger problems than just being in the dark.

Not sure if this problem has been mentioned or not ... but what about those bathrooms where the lighting is motion detector, with a timer? So if you're sitting there for a while, and nobody comes in, the lights go out. What's the solution?

Excellent job sir. I've had this happen as well. Now if you are lucky you can wave your hand over the stall door and the light comes back on. If not you have a couple options.

One is sit there like a creep and wait for someone else to come in. You could also just come right out of the stall, trip the sensor and hightail it back to your seat.

Throw a roll of extra paper? If you're on the seat long enough for the light to go off, you've got bigger problems than just being in the dark.

Now we are getting somewhere. Nice suggestion.

It's possible that the timer is set way to short to accommodate a taco bell lunch.

Maybe I should just start carrying around some super balls.

how funny would that be!!

OK, so the bathroom near my office, there are 2 stalls, the small one and the handicapped one. Well, 4 times in the past 8 days, the same guy has come in while I'm in the handicapped stall. And he drops the nastiest thing you've ever heard or smell every time. Is there no decency? I've even tried staggering my times to no avail. And I know its the same guy because I can see his tag in the crack below the wall.

This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

Gotta give it to the Europeans, they know how to make a bathroom.

This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

*First time I've ever said this*

I wish I lived in Brussels.

For the motion light troubled, there should be a small switch below the IR that if pushed over will be a constant on setting

Gotta give it to the Europeans, they know how to make a bathroom.

That they do. Though I hear that the Japanese blow everyone away when it comes to bathrooms and toilets. I look forward to that day when I need to relieve myself in the Land of the Rising Sun.

One word of caution: There is a bathroom somewhere along the trip to the top of St. Peter's Cathedral in Rome. Use it at your own risk. It's actually just a hole in some tile on the floor. Fine for number one, a bit... trickier for number two. Trust me.

When you began said journey to the top of a legendary Roman cathedral you should have made arrangements beforehand on dropping a deuce.

ok, so I need to take a break and go to use the comode.. I open the stall door only to see a complete blowout has happened earlier. i.e. someone had splattered the back of the inside of the bowl with what can only be described as shrapnel. Hard chunks, not a soupy mix mind you. How tight your sphinctor needs to be to accomplish that feat I'll never know... how do you even get an angle to do such a thing. It was just on the back of the bowl, not really on each side of the inside. It seems as though you'd need to be angled towards the back somehow... it was interesting really... having said that I chose the next stall over.

ok, so I need to take a break and go to use the comode.. I open the stall door only to see a complete blowout has happened earlier. i.e. someone had splattered the back of the inside of the bowl with what can only be described as shrapnel. Hard chunks, not a soupy mix mind you. How tight your sphinctor needs to be to accomplish that feat I'll never know... how do you even get an angle to do such a thing. It was just on the back of the bowl, not really on each side of the inside. It seems as though you'd need to be angled towards the back somehow... it was interesting really... having said that I chose the next stall over.

sounds like an explosive situation

sounds like an explosive situation

Imagine sitting next to this specimen when the event is occuring...

We call that painting the bowl down here.

a full hunched squat can lend to a higher aim towards the back of the bowl. This often times can be what follows a high fiber breakfast followed by a mexican lunch or japanese cook table lunch. Its called "high and tight"

When you began said journey to the top of a legendary Roman cathedral you should have made arrangements beforehand on dropping a deuce.

Sound advice.

That said, it came upon me very suddenly. Indeed, it was as if every ounce of my being was moved by the grandeur.

Sound advice.

That said, it came upon me very suddenly. Indeed, it was as if every ounce of my being was moved by the grandeur.

You left your mark on history.

Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?

I had to learn to go lefty when I tore a ligament in my right wrist. That was difficult. It felt like a stranger was wiping me every time.

When I tore my rotator cuff, I had to do everything left-handed. Cleaning up after #2 was one of the more difficult tasks.

Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?

In Arab countries you are only supposed to wipe your hand with your left hand. Right handed wiping is strictly forbidden. It's why I often refer to people who are left handed as being ass-handed.

Or as wikipedia.org explains:

"A profound Arab stigma against left-handedness dates to a pre-industrial period when paper was extremely rare and (in desert regions) water was too precious to be used for hand-washing. Because it was necessary to use one hand for wiping oneself after defecation, and because it was impossible to cleanse this hand thoroughly, the hand used for this task (traditionally, the left hand) was deemed unfit to be used for any other activity, especially as most Arabs of that time lacked eating utensils, and so they ate with their fingers (of the right hand) from communal dishes, while keeping the left hand entirely concealed at mealtime. To this day, it is widely regarded as taboo in Arab culture to handle food with the left hand. Offering one's left hand for a handshake greeting, or even waving it in greeting without touching, would be considered a serious personal insult in Arab society."

What I hate is when people go in their own office to fart. Then you walk in, and the fart cloud is just hanging there and you walk smack into it with no warning.
You know, I've started feeling pretty bad about that. Now I go into the office next to mine and just rip one in front of this blonde I work with. I'm not sure if she really notices over the sound of the copy machine or the fax machine, but it's better than stinking up my own office, am I right?

This reminds of the wonderful bathroom situation I had at my office in Brussels. The men's room nearest me had a door that led into a short hallway. Sort of like an airlock. There was then another door that led into the actual restroom. In the restroom was a sink, two urinals, and two stalls. The thing about the stalls, however, was that they were actually little rooms onto themselves. All four walls went from floor to cieling and the door was an actual door with a real handle and lock and everything. Another perk was the motion sensor light. If you wanted to relax in there for a while, close your eyes, the light would go out. Thing is, no one could tell if the light was on or off unless they opened the door. Keep the door locked and you're perfectly safe.

A solid restroom. I miss it.

A little slice of heaven...

I had to learn to go lefty when I tore a ligament in my right wrist. That was difficult. It felt like a stranger was wiping me every time.

I'm guessing not as strange as another chore?....


But I digress...
Stall humor of the day.
At my office I work in an addition that was added about 5 years ago to a building that was built in the 70's.
So you have the "Front" office and 300k square foot warehouse and the back office. Only when some dumb ass designed the back office they left off bathrooms, so we have to walk across the entire warehouse to the breezeway or up into the front office.

Breezeway has locker rooms for warehouse employees and changing area complete with shower etc. and 4 stalls and 3 urinals. But the stalls are really tight (try 26" wide) and being a very broad shouldered guy if I go in there I literally cant wipe, I have to turn sideways then back to toilet to dispose etc..

So I always go to front office.

After lunch I need to drop some mexican kids off at the pool and head up front. Stall 1 is occupied (this "lounge" only 1 urinal and 2 stalls) no time to walk to alternate, stall 2 it is.

I enter a clean stall that someone has forgotten the 2nd flush on (or so I thought) I give the seat a courtesy wipe and a quick flush and prepare to do business when the Great Flood begins paper,turds and water come boiling up an out, heading straight for the drain in (occupied) stall 1.

I hear a few curse words and shuffling when quickly our IT dierector (the most hated guy in our company for other reasons) comes stumbling out...

I had to die to keep from laughing in his face.

The best part he grumbled bitchd and then buckled his belt and left the restroom, without washing his hands, drying his shoes, or apparently (judging by noise) even wiping...

Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?

No, but the last apartment I rented had a toilet that was fashioned in such a manner that it was virtually impossible to wipe easily. Sort of like going in a phone booth sized area. I felt as if my home field advantage was taken away, as I had to find new creative ways to wipe.

No, but the last apartment I rented had a toilet that was fashioned in such a manner that it was virtually impossible to wipe easily. Sort of like going in a phone booth sized area. I felt as if my home field advantage was taken away, as I had to find new creative ways to wipe.

Like what?

It was just awkward.

After lunch I need to drop some mexican kids off at the pool

Is this an everyday occurence? Were these just random mexicans? Is it like the day labor pickup, you just yell out "I need 9 for swimming!" and you let them fight to get into the truck?

Just curious...

Just thought of something. A revelation if you will.

I've never wiped my ass with my left hand. Ever. Reason I thought of this is I tore the fingernail on my middle finger last night and today I was wiping and it hurt so much I almost had to try lefty.

Anyone an ambidextrous wiper?


About a week ago, I had a nasty cut on one of my fingers that became mildly infected and quite painful. Every time I wiped, it was very painful. I tried to wipe left handed, but it was so awkward that I just ended up enduring the pain.

The odd thing is that I am ambidexterous in some sports (I can throw fairly well left handed and I can bat from either side of the plate.)

About a week ago, I had a nasty cut on one of my fingers that became mildly infected and quite painful. Every time I wiped, it was very painful. I tried to wipe left handed, but it was so awkward that I just ended up enduring the pain.

The odd thing is that I am ambidexterous in some sports (I can throw fairly well left handed and I can bat from either side of the plate.)

Same here. I'm wizard-like with the left and right handed dribbling but I powered through the pain as well.

I honestly cant remember ever having to wipe lefty...

however, once, in my granpa's final weeks I had to help him wipe, while holding him up above a toilet at Mayo Clinic and it was a nightmare....However looking back on it, and us laughing (one of the last laughs we shared) I can't help, as gross as it sounds, to feel like the poo on his hands was part of the glue that bonded us together.

I'm a left-handed wiper, even though I'm a righty...which seems odd now that I read this thread.

I'm a left-handed wiper, even though I'm a righty...which seems odd now that I read this thread.

you are a 1 percentile. a true freak of nature.

Ok, so I'm entering the handicapped stall ready to perch on top of the bowl and I spy a newspaper on the floor. My initial thought was "score!" and was about to pick it up and enjoy some literature. Then a little voice inside advised caution as I really don't know what kind of travels this newspaper has had or what kind of precipiation it has been subjected too. Sadly I didn't read the lifestyles section just begging to be read for fear of defecation residue.

What's your feeling on the newspaper leave behind? A score or avoid contact?

Avoid.

Avoid

Avoid, but use my foot to reposition the front page to where I can read parts of the articles from above.

Avoid, but use my foot to reposition the front page to where I can read parts of the articles from above.

Exactly.

Someone who leaves a newspaper behind, fully open, is a good man in my book.

Anyone who leaves the newspaper in the handicapped stall on the floor when they can clearly drape it on the handicapped railing is a plague to society.

I bring my own reading materials.

Anyone who leaves the newspaper in the handicapped stall on the floor when they can clearly drape it on the handicapped railing is a plague to society.

so you are comfortable taking the paper from the rail and opening it?

It could fall.

My first preference is reading material on my BlackBerry, but when that fails, I look for alternatives.

My first preference is reading material on my BlackBerry, but when that fails, I look for alternatives.

Texas Hold 'Em King 2 is great for this.

so you are comfortable taking the paper from the rail and opening it?
Yes, I live a simple life and try not to over think it

I'd avoid.

Anyone who leaves the newspaper in the handicapped stall on the floor when they can clearly drape it on the handicapped railing is a plague to society.

You're the one touching other people's fecal matter. More of a chance that you are the "plague."

Yes, I live a simple life and try not to over think it

Nevertheless, I agree with your basic reasoning. But I wouldn't go as far as to hold onto a newspaper that has touched the hands of at least one person while they were dumping.

Texas Hold 'Em King 2 is great for this.

Agreed. Texas Hold 'Em King 2 is excellent for passing time.

I hate when a washroom's only toilet is the handicap one. They are sometimes so tall and big that I can't comfortably sit on them. There's a Wal-Mart here that has 4 or 5 urinals, and then just the one handicap toilet. All places should be required to put in a regular toilet as well.

I started a new job about 6 months ago...now within the same (original) company, though at the time of the move, it was a joint venture.

I immediately noticed the magazine racks on the bathroom wall I knew I'd found a place that takes care of it's employees.

I started a new job about 6 months ago...now within the same (original) company, though at the time of the move, it was a joint venture.

I immediately noticed the magazine racks on the bathroom wall I knew I'd found a place that takes care of it's employees.

ewwww

It's likely my hands are going to be covered in crap regardless of what I do or don't read in the stall, so what's a little more poop from the paper going to hurt?

It's likely my hands are going to be covered in crap regardless of what I do or don't read in the stall, so what's a little more poop from the paper going to hurt?

It's like sticking your whole hand in someone else's ass.

I hate when a washroom's only toilet is the handicap one. They are sometimes so tall and big that I can't comfortably sit on them. There's a Wal-Mart here that has 4 or 5 urinals, and then just the one handicap toilet. All places should be required to put in a regular toilet as well.


Sort of a reverse Accessibility Act.

I hate when a washroom's only toilet is the handicap one. They are sometimes so tall and big that I can't comfortably sit on them. There's a Wal-Mart here that has 4 or 5 urinals, and then just the one handicap toilet. All places should be required to put in a regular toilet as well.

what I hate the most about being stuck with the handicap toilet is that it's often a bit higher than the normal one. You know, being six feet tall and not having your the heel of your foot touch the floor when you shit just doesn't feel right...

FM

Sort of a reverse Accessibility Act.

Yes, the toilet requirement should be an Act.

what I hate the most about being stuck with the handicap toilet is that it's often a bit higher than the normal one. You know, being six feet tall and not having your the heel of your foot touch the floor when you shit just doesn't feel right...

FM

Exactly! I'm used to firmly planting myself when I use a stall. I can't do that with the handicap toilets. I'm around 5'8". I can fall in!

edit: Does someone have a picture of a guy about to fall into a toilet, trying to grasp for the railing with a scared look on his face... and with the caption "Oh Shi-"????

I love the places with the single restroom...mostly restaurants. You go in there, shut the door and pray you don't hear the knock if you have business to take care of.

That teaches you to be a pressure player. You hear the knock and then have to get to it. Not easy if you have a backup.

The multiple knockers are the worst. They knock and somehow can't hear you say "occupied" and keep knocking.

I love the places with the single restroom...mostly restaurants. You go in there, shut the door and pray you don't hear the knock if you have business to take care of.

That teaches you to be a pressure player. You hear the knock and then have to get to it. Not easy if you have a backup.

The multiple knockers are the worst. They knock and somehow can't hear you say "occupied" and keep knocking.

Or you can have what I had a few weeks ago at walmart. Someone trying to shoulder the door open like it was locked by accident. So i finished up...went out the door to find the person. He's gone. So I lurk around the shoe section by the bathroom to see if the guy comes back to yell at him. He doesn't show after a few mins so I figure he either left or shit his pants.

Or you can have what I had a few weeks ago at walmart. Someone trying to shoulder the door open like it was locked by accident. So i finished up...went out the door to find the person. He's gone. So I lurk around the shoe section by the bathroom to see if the guy comes back to yell at him. He doesn't show after a few mins so I figure he either left or shit his pants.

lol, that's pure terror

At a restaurant the other day an older lady went to the restroom, door is locked with someone in there. she knocks, can't hear the person inside, knocks again and then says to her friend "must be stuck...maybe we should get the manager to open the door."

lol

ksmurf, you're like the Seinfeld of toilet observations.

ksmurf, you're like the Seinfeld of toilet observations.

What's the deal with the cologne dispenser?!?

I have a good one about my boss. I go into the bathroom after a late night of work to wash up. There are four stalls and four urinals. I hear my boss talking from one of stalls. At first I thought he was talking to me but after a few seconds I figured out he was on the phone.

I am finishing washing my hands and he is about hang up. He finishes the conversation with "Ok honey I'll be home for dinner soon. Love you."

So he was talking to his wife on the shitter. I wasn't able to look him in the eye for weeks without laughing.

Ok, so I'm entering the handicapped stall ready to perch on top of the bowl and I spy a newspaper on the floor. My initial thought was "score!" and was about to pick it up and enjoy some literature. Then a little voice inside advised caution as I really don't know what kind of travels this newspaper has had or what kind of precipiation it has been subjected too. Sadly I didn't read the lifestyles section just begging to be read for fear of defecation residue.

What's your feeling on the newspaper leave behind? A score or avoid contact?

Avoid. You can use the bottom of your shoes to reposition the paper so that you can read it (like someone else mentioned). Extra credit if you can turn a page or two with your feet.

I've been watching My Left Foot so that I can master this art.

Then your feet will be touching the paper which is worse, because you're not going to go to the sink and wash your feet afterwards.

Then your feet will be touching the paper which is worse, because you're not going to go to the sink and wash your feet afterwards.

But the bottom of your feet touch much worse things than a paper that may or may not have crap on it...

So he was talking to his wife on the shitter. I wasn't able to look him in the eye for weeks without laughing.

My wife talks to me while she's on the shitter.

My wife talks to me while she's on the shitter.

See, and I have to pay to get that kind of action.

Ok that was a little odd. Just took a shit and it was almost lime green.

Ok that was a little odd. Just took a shit and it was almost lime green.
Too much salad? Wasabi? Mold? Moss?

Spinach?

I loves me a poop thread

I loves me a poop thread

In honor of rkmsuf, please get the coloring right.

This happened to me when I ate Trix for dinner every day for 2 weeks.

Too much salad? Wasabi? Mold? Moss?

the only thing I can think of is the gatorade but that was blue. must have reacted with the chicken and corn.

btw some corn did make it out intact. godspeed to them as they continue their journey.

Note to self: Don't click on this thread during lunch hour any more.

Lol, classic thread... when I find a newspaper in the stall I consider it a great thing unless it has obviously seen better days than I avoid at all costs.