Help me help myself - Operation Sports Forums

Help me help myself

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  • TripleCrown9
    Keep the Faith
    • May 2010
    • 23645

    #1

    Help me help myself

    Guys I'll get right to it. I have no confidence when it comes to ladies. I can't talk to them, period. All I'm asking is assistance in making me think better about myself.

    I didn't start this with the pipe dream of "pulling" a different 9 or 10 every weekend. Let's face the truth, that's totally unrealistic. All I want is to be able to talk to girls without preparing myself for rejection.

    Let's start with the facts:
    1. I'm naturally extremely shy and at times I can't even talk to my own family.
    2. I'm average looking at best
    3. I work at a decent job and make enough to pay rent and buy gas and food.
    4. I get rejected 9.5 times out of 10, so I expect it.

    We've all seen the guys that can walk up to any girl and leave within 10 minutes with a phone number easy as though asking for the time of day. That's who I want to be, the guy that holds his head higher than the rest, makes a girl feel like all the other testosterone in the room isn't good enough. It would be awesome to be able to ask for a girls number and not need to use some lame excuse like homework help or some crap like that. I have friends who are ridiculously confident, who at times have refused to hang with me because of my shyness. Hell I've had friends set me up to meet a girl and not a single word is spoken almost. I want to be able to talk to every girl I find interesting and/or attractive and not worry about rejection.

    I'm sure this is a lame thread idea, and who knows how many replies I get. I was just hoping to start a place where guys(and girls) like me can come to learn how to increase their confidence 10 fold and maybe, just maybe, end up with the guy or girl of their dreams. So thanks for listening and let's see how this plays out.
    Boston Red Sox
    1903 1912 1915 1916 1918 2004 2007 2013 2018
    9 4 1 8 27 6 14 45 26 34
  • 12
    Banned
    • Feb 2010
    • 4458

    #2
    Re: Help me help myself

    I don't know bro... But if it were me, and I was single (which I'm not), I'd hit up the dating sites. It's funny to me how it's still somewhat seen as "lame" to do this, but I have quite a few friends who went this route and ended up with girls that they are happy with. My mother-in-law met her current husband this way.

    It works, if you're smart about it.

    I'm so far out of the dating game that my advice would probably suck anyways. But online might not be a bad way to go.

    Comment

    • TripleCrown9
      Keep the Faith
      • May 2010
      • 23645

      #3
      Re: Help me help myself

      Yeah I've considered trying out a couple when I have extra money. You cant really do anything on them without being a premium member.
      Boston Red Sox
      1903 1912 1915 1916 1918 2004 2007 2013 2018
      9 4 1 8 27 6 14 45 26 34

      Comment

      • kingkilla56
        Hall Of Fame
        • Jun 2009
        • 19395

        #4
        Re: Help me help myself

        You want to be able to talk to girls without the fear of rejection? Well you said yourself, which im assuming was hyperbole and self depreciation, that you are rejected 95% of the time. If it were me, I wouldnt fear rejection at that point anymore. I would be like **** it I dont care what happens anymore, which ironically is a good mentality when going into a conversation with a girl lol
        Tweet Tweet

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        • PVarck31
          Moderator
          • Jan 2003
          • 16868

          #5
          Re: Help me help myself

          To be honest man, 95% rejection rate is about par for the course.(although I'm sure some guys would tell you otherwise lol.) Don't let that get you down. Im a pretty descent looking guy, but my best friend could be a model and he got shot down like scud missiles in college. Chicks are weird man. I got lucky and found a good girl through her cousin that I worked with. But yeah I would definitely think about an online dating site. There is no stigma with them anymore.

          Comment

          • buckeye02
            MVP
            • Jul 2009
            • 4150

            #6
            Re: Help me help myself

            In bars or clubs, you never know if chicks have a B/f so im guessing they would use that excuse a lot. Online dating you know who available and if they're looking to get into something serious.

            Before you go out on a date, you have to pull the (There's something About Mary routine) I hope you know what im talking about, because i dont know exactly how to say it without violating the TOS. But you will feel a lot more relaxed and thinking less about sex and how to get this girl to like you.

            Not a stupid thread at all. A lot of helpful advice can come from the community.
            PSN: buckeye02

            Comment

            • TheMatrix31
              RF
              • Jul 2002
              • 52845

              #7
              Re: Help me help myself

              I might have to do the dating site thing, because the chicks I'm around most often (and their "extended radius" of female friends) are not attractive to me (either personality OR physically) in the slightest.

              Comment

              • HotSauce2k3
                MVP
                • Nov 2002
                • 1848

                #8
                Re: Help me help myself

                Confidence is huge. You don't have to be the best looking guy in the room or even have the best personality. You just have to own who you are, because you aren't as bad as you think. I'm goofy looking and have a pretty corny, arguably bad sense of humor, and I was pretty insecure about who I was. Eventually I got tired of trying so I just said "f*** it, Ima just do me." I continued to go out but never with the purpose of trying to find a girl, and lo and behold the girls started coming around. And if they don't like you for who you are, then on to the next one.

                Girls can tell if you're confident (and not desperate), and it goes a long way. Just go in not giving a damn. Even if she is "the girl of your dreams," you probably shouldn't approach her as that. Talk to her like you don't wanna bone her lol. I mean, still act interested in the things she has to say. Just don't build her up to be something she isn't. Don't put the p**** on the pedestal lol.

                Comment

                • oneamongthefence
                  Nothing to see here folks
                  • Apr 2009
                  • 5681

                  #9
                  Re: Help me help myself

                  Take notes from Barney Stinson. Lol. Actually online isn't a bad idea. Just don't build yourself up to be something you're not. Be yourself and be patient. Also know what you're looking for.
                  Because I live in van down by the river...

                  Comment

                  • DocHolliday
                    Farewell and 'ado
                    • Oct 2002
                    • 4695

                    #10
                    Re: Help me help myself

                    Sounds like you might be SOL.
                    GT: Event Horizon 0

                    Comment

                    • wildinkc
                      Waving the Wheat.
                      • Aug 2010
                      • 280

                      #11
                      Re: Help me help myself

                      I used to be just like you. Heck I am still shy sometimes when talking to girls and just people in general. You just have to relax and be your self. Just don't try to build yourself or her up to something your or her are not. Rejection is just part of the game. And you know all those stories about how guys seem to have no problem getting a number. How often are those numbers real. Heck I have given out fake numbers just so someone would leave me alone. Remember everyone has no problem telling you there success stories. It's all the rejections that they don't share. Just be yourself if you strike out one night just move on to the next.
                      Rock Chalk Jayhawk
                      Kansas City Royals
                      Oklahoma City Thunder
                      Follow me on Twitter.
                      Dibs wife: Carrie Underwood

                      Currently Playing:
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                      Comment

                      • WDOgF0reL1fe
                        MVP
                        • Apr 2005
                        • 3427

                        #12
                        Re: Help me help myself

                        Plentyoffish.com

                        Apparently it works wonders.
                        Everything is free too.

                        Also, do you drink?
                        Im not saying to get hammered before hanging out with chicks...
                        but like, 2-3 drinks and get a good buzz going and you dont have any nervousness anymore.
                        Charger Fan Born and Raised!
                        Born in powder blue.

                        Follow me on Twitter yeah.
                        @WillSoistman
                        Dibs: Jennifer Aniston

                        "Success isn't earned, it's leased. Rent is due every damn day.

                        Comment

                        • Equinox831
                          We're Going Farming
                          • Sep 2009
                          • 2489

                          #13
                          Re: Help me help myself

                          It's all about confidence... If you go into it thinking too much and expecting to get rejected then you're going to get rejected.. If you approach girls with your head held high and you have the right mentality you'll be fine. Don't be too aggressive, but just let them know what's up. If you do get rejected so what? It happens. There are about 3.5 billion women in this world, a good number of them will say yes to you. Just keep trying and don't get discouraged, remember that rejection happens to everyone and we all have to get over it and move on. Good luck my friend.
                          Chicago Bulls | Chicago Bears | Chicago White Sox | Chicago Blackhawks

                          Comment

                          • Jr.
                            Playgirl Coverboy
                            • Feb 2003
                            • 19171

                            #14
                            Re: Help me help myself

                            Like others have said, confidence is the main key. I have a good friend who is not attractive at all, but he's a charming guy with a ton of confidence and he is able to pull some girls that I would never think he had a chance with. I know it's easier to say than actually believe, but he truly does not care what happens when he talks to a girl.

                            A good thing to do to build confidence is to write down a few things that you really like about yourself and repeat those everyday. It's amazing what this can do for you. It'll feel weird at first as I'm assuming you're humble on top of being shy, but as you get more comfortable with it, you'll find more things that you truly like about yourself and your confidence will continue to grow.

                            One final thing, try not to catastrophize being rejected. A girl saying no to you doesn't mean anything other than the two of you are not a good fit and you can move on to the next one.
                            My favorite teams are better than your favorite teams

                            Watch me play video games

                            Comment

                            • areobee401
                              Hall Of Fame
                              • Apr 2006
                              • 16771

                              #15
                              Re: Help me help myself

                              What everyone else has already said.

                              http://twitter.com/smittyroberts

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