ok, so one of the guys i work with, who i am decent friends, with broke up with the girl he was dating (who we also work with)...they were together for about a year and a half, and he was to the point where was going to start ring shopping...she broke up with him, actually for the second time (they broke up about 4 months ago, and got back together, mainly because i gave each of them some advice on how to try to make things work, and they tried, but failed)

i ran into her at a wine tasting yesterday and ended up spending the entire day(til about midnight) with her and her entire family and during the course of normal conversation talked about doing other things together and with some of our other friends.

my question is, am i a being a dick to the guy she dumped for hanging out with her?

at what point would it be OK to start seeing her? (presuming she is even interested in seeing me, which, if not, makes this entire conversation irrelevant)

do i need to tell him if i do actually go out with her, or even ask him if he is ok with it?

thoughts?

Bros before hos. If he is a good friend of yours do not even bother however if he is someone worth losing for a woman by all means go for it. At least be man enough to tell him to his face you're dating her.

Do not tell him you're interested in her before you sleep with her. He will make a last dash at getting back with her and ruin it for you.

It would be courteous to give him a heads up that you spent time together, enjoyed it, and would he mind if you tried to see her again. If he's a good guy, he will give you the green light. If he says no, and you're upset about it and think she's really amazing, keep pursuing it anyway. No reason to possibly cut off something meaningful just to appease someone you call a "decent friend." You just have to be willing to lose that decent friend.

That being said, your seeming involvement in their breakup definitely complicates things. And I don't follow the "he broke up with her...she broke up with him" in the first couple sentences.

And the most important question...will Lathum be able to handle this?

You all work together and he was serious enough to go ring shopping. He's probably not going to be cool with it and it could get crazy at work. Ask him if you really want to date her though. I learned a long time ago to never date at work, not worth it.

(they broke up about 4 months ago, and got back together, mainly because i gave each of them some advice on how to try to make things work, and they tried, but failed)

so you played relationship counselor and now wanna date the chick? and it's at work?

that's a recipe for success.

Yeah, social relationships and contracts aside, all three of you work together?

That better be one big ass office.

That being said, your seeming involvement in their breakup definitely complicates things. And I don't follow the "he broke up with her...she broke up with him" in the first couple sentences.

And the most important question...will Lathum be able to handle this?

yeah, she did all the breaking up...he was actually still texting her yesterday while i was at her house trying to get another shot (the more i write this down, the more i am answering my own questions)

lathum doesnt have a choice...his recent advice for me in regards to these types of things hasnt been helpful at all.

Only way this situation gets even better here is if the guy is saldana's boss, and the girl is saldana's personal assistant.

Only way this situation gets even better here is if the guy is saldana's boss, and the girl is saldana's personal assistant.

This.


Oh, and the 'office' they work at is a place called Bang Bros.

sorry, my last post cut off before i could finish. i meant to say-

that's a recipe for successfully getting shanked in the parking lot.

yeah, she did all the breaking up...he was actually still texting her yesterday while i was at her house trying to get another shot (the more i write this down, the more i am answering my own questions)

lathum doesnt have a choice...his recent advice for me in regards to these types of things hasnt been helpful at all.

Toot it and boot it?

You know, you should start a dynasty about this.

Toot it and boot it?

You know, you should start a dynasty about this.

Right, but make sure you update it constantly during the day. We don't want to miss an update when you get shanked on the way back to your car.

Danger...danger...


On a different note...

Did anyone else have that phone commercial pop into their heads when reading the first post?

yeah, she did all the breaking up...he was actually still texting her yesterday while i was at her house trying to get another shot (the more i write this down, the more i am answering my own questions)

lathum doesnt have a choice...his recent advice for me in regards to these types of things hasnt been helpful at all.

He's still texting looking for another chance?

Hit that, record it and send it back to him on her phone. If you're going to go down in flames, you may as well make them visible from space.

Danger...danger...


On a different note...

Did anyone else have that phone commercial pop into their heads when reading the first post?

<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/UcVd5E4NSe8" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

It's like this
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/I6Pll7Qm-k0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

ok, so one of the guys i work with, who i am decent friends, with broke up with the girl he was dating (who we also work with)...they were together for about a year and a half, and he was to the point where was going to start ring shopping...she broke up with him, actually for the second time (they broke up about 4 months ago, and got back together, mainly because i gave each of them some advice on how to try to make things work, and they tried, but failed)

i ran into her at a wine tasting yesterday and ended up spending the entire day(til about midnight) with her and her entire family and during the course of normal conversation talked about doing other things together and with some of our other friends.

my question is, am i a being a dick to the guy she dumped for hanging out with her?

at what point would it be OK to start seeing her? (presuming she is even interested in seeing me, which, if not, makes this entire conversation irrelevant)

do i need to tell him if i do actually go out with her, or even ask him if he is ok with it?

thoughts?

If they had been going out for a couple of months, that's one thing. The fact they were that serious, if you decide to go for it, then you have to accept the friendship with him will end.

If they had been going out for a couple of months, that's one thing. The fact they were that serious, if you decide to go for it, then you have to accept the friendship with him will end.

This. If you are at all interested in this girl...you cannot be friends with this guy any more. I dont care what he says to your face, or how "cool" he acts...he isnt going to be cool with it & he wont like you for being his replacement.

Now, if its just a couple of hangouts & sex thing...then dont bother telling him a dam thing. But this doesn't sound like that, so you are going to have to decide whether this guy is an "expendable" friend.

Now, if its just a couple of hangouts & sex thing...then dont bother telling him a dam thing. But this doesn't sound like that, so you are going to have to decide whether this guy is an "expendable" friend.

i would say at this point, its much closer to a couple hangouts than it is anything serious...i have just never had any kind of situation like this before, so i dont really know what to do.

and as far as getting shanked in the parking lot...i cant imagine he would ever even stand up to me much less put a shiv in my ribs.

It's like this
<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="640" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/I6Pll7Qm-k0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Yep, that one.

dola: But they stop the commercial before the shanking...

i would say at this point, its much closer to a couple hangouts than it is anything serious...i have just never had any kind of situation like this before, so i dont really know what to do.


Yeah, I wouldnt feel like I owed him an explanation unless he's a lifelong friend. If he's just a regular friend (or somebody you know from work and like...but probably would drift from if you didnt work together) then I'd probably wait until you've decided you want a real relationship with her and she does as well (or your at least pretty certain she does).

Hanging out & doing stupid crap is something you (and she) might do with 20 other people this year. Nothing to feel guilty about if things are over between them.

Just do it. Life is too short to worry about what-ifs.

Don't tell the guy unless it becomes serious. If if it does get to that point, and you can see a future with her, just be a man (not that you aren't) and tell him. If she was important and special enough to get to that point, have no regrets. If there's an issue with him, oh well. I don't agree with the the whole "bros before hos" crap. That's for 20 year old frat kids. I believe in love and happiness over worrying about the poor wittle feewings of some dude you don't even consider a best friend.

Basically, date her. If you two have chemistry and a possible future, don't give it another thought. Go for it.

It is pretty strange that the girl decided she was goin to be a lesbian all the sudden.

Just decent friends? He's an expendable piece. Sacrifice him if the chick's into you.

If your work is small enough though, you may want to consider a different job.

It is pretty strange that the girl decided she was goin to be a lesbian all the sudden.

Beat me to it.

and as far as getting shanked in the parking lot...i cant imagine he would ever even stand up to me much less put a shiv in my ribs.

These are the ones you should worry about the most. :)

Forget the complication of how serious their relationship was at one point, workplace relationships have a lot more drama than relationships that start elsewhere. The fact that they were serious just multiples the odds of it not ending well that much more. Unless you really think there is a possible long term connection don't look to be more than friends.

One other thing you need to at least consider that I didn't see anyone else bring up is that she could also try and make him jealous or hurt him by latching on to you and letting it "slip" to him that the two of you hung out.

I would imagine you know her pretty well, but this type of thing had been known to happen, even when you think she would not do that.

lathum doesnt have a choice...his recent advice for me in regards to these types of things hasnt been helpful at all.

This is how I find out about a situation like this? A phone call would have been nice.

And my advice to Sal was to fuck a fat chick. I stand by that advice.

See these situations there will be regret no matter what.

A) You steer clear and regret never seeing where it could have gone.
Advantage none.
B) You hit it. Maybe it is the best ever you get married and live happily ever after and regret the loss of a friend, or maybe it is a horrible messy affair and you regret ever getting involved with it.
Advantage: At least you hit it.


The question is do you want to regret testing the waters or regret never testing the waters. I'll live with the regret after I dip into it.

Just do it. Life is too short to worry about what-ifs.

Don't tell the guy unless it becomes serious. If if it does get to that point, and you can see a future with her, just be a man (not that you aren't) and tell him. If she was important and special enough to get to that point, have no regrets. If there's an issue with him, oh well. I don't agree with the the whole "bros before hos" crap. That's for 20 year old frat kids. I believe in love and happiness over worrying about the poor wittle feewings of some dude you don't even consider a best friend.

Basically, date her. If you two have chemistry and a possible future, don't give it another thought. Go for it.

I'm mostly with Schmidty here, but would be a little concerned with what this does for you at work. If you don't think there is much of a future there, it may not be worth making things messy at work (if you care about the job and plan to stick around for awhile). Other than that, if you choose to pursue anything with the girl, I wouldn't worry about the guy -- he's not going to be cool with it, but you cannot spend a whole lot of time worrying about it if he is just a work friend.

This might be cheesy, but go with your heart.

If this guy is a really good, best friend type.. then I say no way... but if you are into this girl and he's not a close friend, I say go for it.

I thought saldana was a chick...

Wait...what does this chick look like first of all? There is definitely a sliding scale on the hotness/office romance/friends ex chart.

Either way, that's some serious potential inter-office drama and sounds like she isn't even waiting for the body to get cold before getting back on that horse. Red flag are flying everywhere...

I thought saldana was a chick...

i cant believe it took 32 posts for this...

Wait...what does this chick look like first of all? There is definitely a sliding scale on the hotness/office romance/friends ex chart.

Either way, that's some serious potential inter-office drama and sounds like she isn't even waiting for the body to get cold before getting back on that horse. Red flag are flying everywhere...

or that it took 33 for this!

about 5"7 - 5"8, athletic build (not skinny, but far from beefy), auburn/light brown hair, blue eyes, and really big cans.

...and really big cans.

Stop worrying now and just go for it. Philosophical stuff and advice don't matter anymore from my point of view. ;)

Stop worrying now and just go for it. Philosophical stuff and advice don't matter anymore from my point of view. ;)

lol...i left that part out on purpose from the original post..i figured it would skew the responses:lol:

This is how I find out about a situation like this? A phone call would have been nice.

And my advice to Sal was to fuck a fat chick. I stand by that advice.

Worst.advice.evar.

In case anyone gives a shit, I hooked up with her tonight, lol

So....were they real?

That's hard. The odds say the relationship with the girl will end at some point, and you'll lose the friend, too, in the process. On the other hand, life can be a lonely thing, and it's nice when you have someone that gets your fire burning that's also into you.

It really depends on what you're looking for. If you're impulsive, and a "now! now! now!" type of thrill-seeker, go for it. You'll probably have mind-blowing sex for a period of time, thanks to the tension that's built up.

Speaking from personal experience as someone who's chosen the girl over the friend, you're gonna wind up sad in the end. Either you wonder "what if?" if you don't pursue the girl, or the relationship with the girl will run its course, end, and leave you with neither.

Of course, maybe you'll end up in the greatest relationship the world has ever known, loving each other madly until one of you draws their last breath. I'd put a winking emoticon at the end, but I hope you can read cynicism a bit more easily.

So....were they real?

Lol..I forget that"hook up" has alot of different meanings I didn't find that out yet

Lol..I forget that"hook up" has alot of different meanings I didn't find that out yet

Heh, heh... I have run into this, too. My thinking leans towards Schmidty's, but I have learned from my many younger friends from my restaurant job that hooking up has a much broader meaning now. :)

... but I have learned from my many younger friends from my restaurant job that hooking up has a much broader meaning now. :)

That's just wrong. When did the meaning change?

Explains all the dirty looks I've been getting.

Lol..I forget that"hook up" has alot of different meanings I didn't find that out yet

I thought "hook up" was the nice way to say "banged."

I thought "hook up" was that you showed her an animated gif you made of a street corner in the rain with a marquee that said CAD or SAD or something.

So what is the scouting report?

Overrated, Underrated, or As Scouted?

Oh...and pix pls k thx.

Yeah, what is her Getting Downfield rating?

How'd she do in the 40?

Is she a Tight End?

So what is the scouting report?

Overrated, Underrated, or As Scouted?

Oh...and pix pls k thx.

nice.

Is she a Tight End?

If she is, hopefully she can take the post like a true All-Pro.

So you gave them advice on their relationship, and now that they've broken up, you think you want a taste?

Wasn't this a Seinfeld episode?

http://www.lamebook.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/left-over-and-out.jpg

Bros before hoes.

Well, isn't the 10 day waiting period sufficient to meet requirements?

Bros before hoes.

If you are willing to pick the girl over your friend, I doubt he was that good of a friend. I had friend who I ended up prosecuting(long story). Needless to say if his ex-wife was in my area I would have had no issue spending enough time with her to make him feel uncomfortable.

If you are willing to pick the girl over your friend, I doubt he was that good of a friend. I had friend who I ended up prosecuting(long story). Needless to say if his ex-wife was in my area I would have had no issue spending enough time with her to make him feel uncomfortable.

Exactly. The guys I'm friends with, I'd never pursue their women. Push out of an airplane with no parachute...maybe, but, not pursue.

That should make for a good book in about 20 years. Did you break his nose too by any chance? :)

Exactly. The guys I'm friends with, I'd never pursue their women. Push out of an airplane with no parachute...maybe, but, not pursue.

That should make for a good book in about 20 years. Did you break his nose too by any chance? :)

Nope. Although if he was still my roommate later that week I don't think I would have liked his odds. :devil:

Nope. Although if he was still my roommate later that week I don't think I would have liked his odds. :devil:

Note to self: Don't piss off Matthean...

:)

Wow I totally thought you were married.

Wow.

/tk

Me?

saldana.

/tk

Ahhhhhh ok.

saldana.

/tk

He and Lathum split amicably.

saldana.

/tk


I thought you and saldana were "partners" ?!?!?!?!?!!?

saldana.

/tk

he was, him and his wife split about 15 months ago. I'll leave it up to him if he wants to give details.

He and Lathum split amicably.

haha

he was, him and his wife split about 15 months ago. I'll leave it up to him if he wants to give details.

Oh yipes. :(

Well, now my foot's in my mouth. :banghead:

/tk