IWS #126 - 2005 USO Holiday Tour:

What fun! You've been selected to host the 2005 USO Tour Holiday Concert, which will be hosted in Baghdad on Christmas Eve. This is no easy task, as you need to make sure it is a memorable and inspirational experience for the troops, a commercial success (based on TV revenue), does not touch-off any political firestorms, and that no one steps on any road-side bombs.

So much to do! There are bands and comedians to hire, concert logistics to plan, flights to book, and let's not even talk about the choreography!


The Questions:

1.Your first coup is in convincing Snoop Dogg to be one of the major acts, but he seems to be a little concerned about airport security, specifically canine bomb sniffing dogs they may have at the army airport base in Baghdad. Strangely, all German Shephards are on holiday leave for some much needed 'R-and-R'. Which breed is the next best choice for the job?

2. You still need to pick the headlining singer, who will end the concert by singing an emotional and heartfelt rendition of "I'll Be Home for the Holidays". Given the high visibility of this event, you have the choice of any singer. You need to pick a singer that is popular, non-convtroversial, represents our country with dignity, and (most importantly) is an inspiration for the troops. Who best fills this role?

3. On the plane flight to Baghdad, Snoop confides in you that he's been struggling over which holiday decorations to put up outside his house. All the neighbors on his cul-de-sac have put up white lights, but Snoop wants to be unique. Next to white, what's the best (one-color) color to use for outdoor Christmas lights?

4. All the major networks (ABC, NBC, CBS, FOX) have declined to air the show. What is the best cable network to select to air this event?

5. You get to pick the movie for the plane flight over. You have a strange desire to have this move make Snoop cry, so you can sell his tears on eBay. What's the best Christmas movie to make someone cry?

6. You almost forgot! You need to book a comedian. Again, the comedian needs to be non-controversial, popular, 'a big name', and 'current'. In this case, you would ideally like a comedian who can poke fun at the politicians in attendance (Rumsfeld, Rice, etc) but without ruffling any feathers. Who's the best choice?


The Rules
The rules are the same as previous FOFC “I’m With Stupid" Contests, as set forth by the game’s bi-curious founding fathers.

The object of this contest is to answer the questions posted, and to provide the most common answer among those submitted. For each question, your score will be equal to the number of people who submitted that response. Your score for the contest will be the product of your individual question scores. Highest score wins.

No collaborating in any way. No posting your answers to this board, nor sharing them by e-mail or in any other way with other potential contestants.

All determinations of "matches" and anything else requiring judgment fall to that of the sole administrator of this round of the game, me. You can reduce the need for doubt and judgment by properly spelling your submissions, being clear, and that sort of thing. My decisions are final and inarguable.

Any references that are unclear to you, due to language or geography, should be understood to be authored from the perspective of an English-speaking American high school graduate. However...

Your answers do not necessarily have to be correct in order to score points. If I ask "What is the best beer?" and you and four other people answer "Guinness", you each get five points even though the answer is Moosehead.

PM your answers to me. The deadline is 10 PM PST, Wednesay, December 7, 2005 – Answers will be compiled and posted at some point after that. If I have yours when I gather them up you’re in.

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The Hall of Heroes

Ahbrady - IWS#15, IWS#41, IWS#85, IWS#100
Airhog - IWS#1
Albionmoonlight - IWS#30, IWS#50, IWS#101
Anxiety - IWS#49
Archer219 - IWS#18, IWS#100
Ardent Enthusiast - IWS#6
Atatange1 - IWS#79
Barkeep49 - IWS#62, IWS#100, IWS#117
bbor - IWS#23, IWS#26
Bearcat729 - IWS#82, IWS#93
BishopMVP - IWS#36
Blade - IWS#13
BrianD - IWS#106
Bryce - IWS#40, IWS#53
Buccaneer - IWS#47
Bsak16 - IWS#6, IWS#9, IWS#17
cartman - IWS#48, IWS#100
Chief Rum - IWS#45, IWS#56, IWS#95
Cornhuskerly - IWS#46
Crim - IWS#57
Cthomer5000 - IWS#54, IWS#75
Cuervo72 - IWS#27, IWS#38
Dangarion – IWS#100, IWS#122
Desert Dweller - IWS#6
Desnudo - IWS#88, IWS #120
Digamma - IWS#14, IWS#92
DukeRulesMAB - IWS#76
Dutch - IWS#90
EagleEye11 - IWS#54
EagleFan - IWS#41
Frozenrope - IWS#86
George W Bush- IWS#80, IWS#84
Glengoyne - IWS#71
gold101 - IWS#63
GoSeahawks - IWS#64
gstelmack - IWS#116
Hammer755 - IWS#38
HeavyReign - IWS#23
Henry296 - IWS#12
HornedFrogPurple - IWS#10
JeeberD - IWS#44, IWS#52, IWS#61, IWS#87, IWS#91, IWS#110
Jesse Ewiak – IWS#100
Joe Canadian - IWS#29
John Lynch - IWS#10
kingfc22- IWS#75, IWS#123
kurtism - IWS#79
lighhousekeeper - IWS#125
Logan – IWS#100
Maple Leafs - IWS#34, IWS#84, IWS#94, IWS#113, IWS#118
Marmel - IWS#8
Masked - IWS#22, IWS#30, IWS#31, IWS#33, IWS#100
mauboy1 - IWS#77
MIJB#19 - IWS#59, IWS#69, IWS#117
Msf518 - IWS#11, IWS#15, IWS#35, IWS#39, IWS#100
Neuqua - IWS#19
NoMyths - IWS#46
Noop - IWS#46
Nothingman - IWS#6, IWS#45
ntndeacon - IWS#81
Oliegirl - IWS#72, IWS#81
Panerd - IWS#3, IWS#84, IWS#89, IWS#107, IWS#120
PineTar - IWS#108
Pjstp20 - IWS#42
Primelord - IWS#11
Pyser - IWS#85
QuikSand - IWS#9, IWS#16, IWS#18, IWS#24, IWS#32, IWS#58, IWS#66, IWS#70, IWS#73, IWS#78, IWS#83, IWS#93, IWS#100, IWS#103, IWS#111
Qwikshot - IWS#5
Radii – IWS#100, IWS#106
RadioFriendlyUnitShifter - IWS#81, IWS#97, IWS#99, IWS#124
Ramzavail - IWS#53
Raven Hawk - IWS#68 IWS#96
RendeR - IWS#6
RGunner - IWS#121
RonnieDobbs - IWS#37
RPI-Fan - IWS#9
Samdari - IWS#21
ScottVib - IWS#9
Solecismic - IWS#83
spleen1015 - IWS#98
SplitPersonality1 - IWS#4, IWS#104
Sterlingice - IWS#28, IWS#31, IWS#35, IWS#51
Subby - IWS#107, IWS#110, IWS#112
Sublime - IWS#25
Suicane75 - IWS#109
Swaggs - IWS#2, IWS#35
Tasan - IWS#65
ThunderingHERD - IWS#114, IWS#119, IWS#122
Timmae - IWS #115
Tredwel - IWS#6, IWS#9, IWS#20, IWS#43, IWS#67, IWS#84
TRO - IWS#7, IWS#9, IWS#12, IWS#85, IWS#102, IWS#109
tucker342 - IWS#60
Vince - IWS#37, IWS#46, IWS#62
Wbatl1 – IWS#105
Whar - IWS#75
Wheels - IWS#55
WSUCougar – IWS#105

Sent, and good job with the questions. Very entertaining read!

Sent... nice twist on the game with the questions...

Regards,
Chas

bump

Woo hoo! First IWS I've ever participated in. I'm part of the cool kids now.

Woo hoo! First IWS I've ever participated in. I'm part of the cool kids now.

If you win I will gnash my teeth and rend my hair.

If you win I will gnash my teeth and rend my hair.Why? Haven't you won loads already? http://www.operationsports.com/fofc/images/smilies/smile.gif

Google says Hi!

Great questions man. Answers have been sent.

snet

I predict a bottom five finish...

Sent

Sizzent

15 minutes left, so get those submissions in! I'd like to at least have a quorum...

drats. I think I sent my in too late :(

Results

When the plane landed in Baghdad, Snoop was relieved to see that the German Shephards were all on leave, replaced by Dobermans (4). Just before he needed to pass through security, Snoop magically morphed into a doberman himself and, while still in doberman form, busted out the lyrics to his masterpiece, "2001": "Major trik we're hittin licks like a doberman gang...". "Oh Snoop..." Jessica Simpson (7) just rolled her eyes, then turned up the volume on her iPod, set on auto-repeat for "I'll Be Home for the Holidays".

The line for security snaked around the room, then out to the hallway. We'd have a long wait, but at least we were off the plane. The only highlight of the flight was fast forwarding through "It's a Wonderful Life" (14) times. I was hoping that by fast forwarding the movie and playing it many times, I would induce even more tears from Snoop, but after the rum wore off mid-flight, I realized that all I had done was make another poor pre-flight decision in a Newark Airport bar.

Snoop didn't cry or even appear shaken, but after the 11th time through the movie, he did get a little pensive. "Something wrong?", I asked. He explained his conundrum over the holiday decorations. "All I wanna do is make the cul de sac bounce, y'all". I said that Red (12) would be a nice alternative. Robin Williams (4) overheard our conversation and tried to force a red-light district joke, but gave up mid-sentence and crouched back into his seat. Robin only had 14 hours until his monologue and was getting visibly desperate for material. "Don't worry," I assured him, "it's only gonna be on USA. No one will even notice if you screw up." .


The Winner Circle
The Winner:Farrah "not only am I with stupid, but I married him" Whitworth-Rahn
2nd Place: LoneStarGirl

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/5392/newbitmapimage1ip.jpg (http://imageshack.us)

I'm a bit surprised that stupid thinks Jessica Simpson is a good choice. I can see the others (and briefly considered Bono and Faith Hill). Also surprised USA wasn't a more popular choice of network.

I think it's remarkable that the last-place finisher was not one of the ones to miss question 5. Even more remarkable that it's not Jeeber, who missed both of the high scoring questions.

Am I retarded or is 10 PM pacific 1 AM eastern? I just sent mine in a few minutes ago, then realized that the results were posted.

no i'm retarded - and didn't read closely after i copy/pasted from the last contest.

sorry.

Also, just saw the spreadsheet--I would have won. ;)

no i'm retarded - and didn't read closely after i copy/pasted from the last contest.

sorry.

Nah, it's ok. I've done much worse at screwing up IWS. :D

USA? What is that? I never heard of it.

I won? On my first every try? You're kidding! I demand a recount. :D

Ok seriously, does this mean I have to write the next one?

I knew I shouldn't have chosen Scooby Doo for question one.

Ok seriously, does this mean I have to write the next one?

Yes I believe so.

Yes I believe so.Crap. I knew there was a reason I'd never entered one before.

I think you should do a "Girl Themed" IWS...they are always asking crazy questions about sports and stuff, let them try to figure out girl stuff for a change :)

Congrats on the win!

I predict a bottom five finish...

If only I had been that good at predicting the answers...

not only am I not wirh stupid... I can't even see that fucker on the horizon.

I won? On my first every try? You're kidding! I demand a recount. :D

Ok seriously, does this mean I have to write the next one?Yes, you do have to write the next one.

Unless LoneStarGirl is volunteering to bail you out. :D

Jessica Simpson represents our country with dignity?

Y'all really is stupid.

Then again, I just tried for the uber-patriotic answer even though I dislike country music. Oh well.

*** wondering who's going to host IWS#127 ***