Ben E Lou
10-06-2005, 02:31 PM
For those who enjoy a little U.I.C., a sad day is forthcoming this spring. Little Precious, the youngest daughter of Obtuse Mother (http://dynamic.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/showpost.php?p=479109&postcount=50), will be graduating from high school, and no more will I be befuddled by Obtuse Mother's amazing inability to follow simple instructions. However, a phone call that I just received might be an indication that Obtuse Mother II might just be present in my community.
BACKGROUND: We have a major event tomorrow night with Middle School students. The flier, which OM2 clearly downloaded and promptly ignored, can be found [here] (http://sites.younglife.org/sites/NorthlakeWyldlife/Shared%20Documents/wyldlifemalibu2k5.pdf).
THE CALL WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
BEN: Young Life Northlake. This is Ben.
OM2: Hi, my name is _____? and my daughter _____ is in 6th grade at Tucker Middle? And she wants to go to the event you're having tomorrow night? (I put in question marks there because every sentence that OM2 uttered at the beginning of the conversation was intoned as a question, not a statement.) I went to your web site and read over everything and downloaded the flier? I have one question, though, can I just run to the post office and drop it in the mail? I'm sure you'll get it tomorrow.
BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: If you'd read over "everything," you'd see that the flier says precisely NOT to do that, in red letters, no less.
BEN: {Affecting a cheerful voice.} Well, we're really trying to get folks to turn those in before then so we can have an accurate head-count, just in case we need to reserve another bus. We'd hate to have to leave anyone behind. Do you pick your child up from school? The school is keeping forms in an envelope for me in the office, and I'm going by there today shortly after pick-ups are done to get the ones that have been turned in there.
OM2: Oh no. Normally I do, but today I've got a tennis match (EDITORIAL COMMENT: Now THERE'S a shocker!) and she's taking the bus home.
BEN: Well, no problem. I live in the middle of Tucker, right behind the high school, so I can't be very far from you. You can just drop it in my mailbox any time this evening or early tomorrow morning. Several folks are doing that. Where would you be coming from?
OM2: We're right off of Old Tucker-Norcross in the Pleasantdale area. (EDITORIAL COMMENT: We're talking a mile and a half from my house at the most here...)
BEN: Oh, great, no problem! You're quite close to me. Just take Tucker-Norcross towards Lawrenceville Highway, and turn at the last street before you get there, which is my street..... (various other identifying stuff about my street and my house.)
OM2: OK. I got it. Let me make sure. I take Chamblee-Tucker towards Lavista....
BEN: Hold on, I thought you said you were coming from Old Tucker-Norcross.
OM2: {Silence, for about 10 seconds}
BEN: Hello?
OM2: Well, I get them all confused. I'm not sure if it is Norcross-Tucker, Tucker-Norcross, Chamblee-Tucker, Tucker-Chamblee or Tucker-Lawrenceville. (NOTE: There is no such road as Tucker-Lawrenceville OR Lawrenceville-Tucker OR Tucker-Chamblee.)
BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: Geez, even _______ {Obtuse Mother's Name} KNOWS THE NAMES OF THE SIGNIFICANT THOROUGHFARES THAT SHE LIVES NEAR!!!
BEN: Well, the Pleasantdale area is near both Old Tucker-Norcross and Chamblee-Tucker. You want to take Old Tucker-Norcross, like you're going to the Walmart
OM2 (And in the immortal words of Dave Barry, I SWEAR I am not making this up...): Well, will she need a sleeping bag?
BEN: {politely, really, I promise I was} No, I've been doing this for several years now, and I've never seen an adolescent sleep when there are over 100 other adolescents present, along with free video games and go-cart rides.
BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 LOL OMG WTF!!!111
OM2: Should I send any money for food? She might get hungry or thirsty if she's up all night.
BEN: No need, the drinks are free all night long, plus she gets 2 slices of pizza. {EDITORIAL NOTE: Once again, a bit of information that was on the flier.}
OM2: One last question: how are they getting home?
BEN: Parents need to pick up kids at 6:00am at Malibu. It would cost an additional $15-20 per person if we had the bus just sit there all night long and bring us back to the Tucker area.
OM2: Where is Malibu?
BEN: On Brook Hollow Parkway, in Norcross (EDITORIAL NOTE: Yes, ladies and gents, yet ANOTHER bit of information that was on the flier.)
OM2: Oh, OK. I'll let my husband figure that out. I'll be dropping her off at Briarlake Baptist tomorrow night, and I'm sure he'll be the one picking her up Saturday morning. Thank you so much!
BEN: No, that's Briarcliff Methodist, at the corner of Briarcliff and Shallowford.
OM2: Oh, was that on the flier?
BEN: Yeah, I think it was. (I am TOO gracious to these people.)
OM2: {giggle} Oh, I'm sorry! Well, thank you so much for all your help.
BEN: You're welcome, and I look forward to meeting you and your daughter tomorrow night.
Wow. Just wow.
Oh yeah, I haven't even mentioned yet about the 10 or so moms who have come to the door in the last couple of days and said, when one of us opened the door, "Hi! Is this the Young Life Office???" Every time it happens (including once while I was writing this post), the odds increase that I'm going to snap and say, "What gave you that clue, you dim bulb??? Was it that big ol' sign RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU that says 'YOUNG LIFE' in big, bold letters, or was it the dozens of pictures of kids, many wearing 'Young Life' shirts on the bulletin board right there next to you, or was it perhaps the fact that five signs on this property that say "Young Life" directed you to this particular door???"
BACKGROUND: We have a major event tomorrow night with Middle School students. The flier, which OM2 clearly downloaded and promptly ignored, can be found [here] (http://sites.younglife.org/sites/NorthlakeWyldlife/Shared%20Documents/wyldlifemalibu2k5.pdf).
THE CALL WENT SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
BEN: Young Life Northlake. This is Ben.
OM2: Hi, my name is _____? and my daughter _____ is in 6th grade at Tucker Middle? And she wants to go to the event you're having tomorrow night? (I put in question marks there because every sentence that OM2 uttered at the beginning of the conversation was intoned as a question, not a statement.) I went to your web site and read over everything and downloaded the flier? I have one question, though, can I just run to the post office and drop it in the mail? I'm sure you'll get it tomorrow.
BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: If you'd read over "everything," you'd see that the flier says precisely NOT to do that, in red letters, no less.
BEN: {Affecting a cheerful voice.} Well, we're really trying to get folks to turn those in before then so we can have an accurate head-count, just in case we need to reserve another bus. We'd hate to have to leave anyone behind. Do you pick your child up from school? The school is keeping forms in an envelope for me in the office, and I'm going by there today shortly after pick-ups are done to get the ones that have been turned in there.
OM2: Oh no. Normally I do, but today I've got a tennis match (EDITORIAL COMMENT: Now THERE'S a shocker!) and she's taking the bus home.
BEN: Well, no problem. I live in the middle of Tucker, right behind the high school, so I can't be very far from you. You can just drop it in my mailbox any time this evening or early tomorrow morning. Several folks are doing that. Where would you be coming from?
OM2: We're right off of Old Tucker-Norcross in the Pleasantdale area. (EDITORIAL COMMENT: We're talking a mile and a half from my house at the most here...)
BEN: Oh, great, no problem! You're quite close to me. Just take Tucker-Norcross towards Lawrenceville Highway, and turn at the last street before you get there, which is my street..... (various other identifying stuff about my street and my house.)
OM2: OK. I got it. Let me make sure. I take Chamblee-Tucker towards Lavista....
BEN: Hold on, I thought you said you were coming from Old Tucker-Norcross.
OM2: {Silence, for about 10 seconds}
BEN: Hello?
OM2: Well, I get them all confused. I'm not sure if it is Norcross-Tucker, Tucker-Norcross, Chamblee-Tucker, Tucker-Chamblee or Tucker-Lawrenceville. (NOTE: There is no such road as Tucker-Lawrenceville OR Lawrenceville-Tucker OR Tucker-Chamblee.)
BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: Geez, even _______ {Obtuse Mother's Name} KNOWS THE NAMES OF THE SIGNIFICANT THOROUGHFARES THAT SHE LIVES NEAR!!!
BEN: Well, the Pleasantdale area is near both Old Tucker-Norcross and Chamblee-Tucker. You want to take Old Tucker-Norcross, like you're going to the Walmart
OM2 (And in the immortal words of Dave Barry, I SWEAR I am not making this up...): Well, will she need a sleeping bag?
BEN: {politely, really, I promise I was} No, I've been doing this for several years now, and I've never seen an adolescent sleep when there are over 100 other adolescents present, along with free video games and go-cart rides.
BEN'S INNER MONOLOGUE: AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 LOL OMG WTF!!!111
OM2: Should I send any money for food? She might get hungry or thirsty if she's up all night.
BEN: No need, the drinks are free all night long, plus she gets 2 slices of pizza. {EDITORIAL NOTE: Once again, a bit of information that was on the flier.}
OM2: One last question: how are they getting home?
BEN: Parents need to pick up kids at 6:00am at Malibu. It would cost an additional $15-20 per person if we had the bus just sit there all night long and bring us back to the Tucker area.
OM2: Where is Malibu?
BEN: On Brook Hollow Parkway, in Norcross (EDITORIAL NOTE: Yes, ladies and gents, yet ANOTHER bit of information that was on the flier.)
OM2: Oh, OK. I'll let my husband figure that out. I'll be dropping her off at Briarlake Baptist tomorrow night, and I'm sure he'll be the one picking her up Saturday morning. Thank you so much!
BEN: No, that's Briarcliff Methodist, at the corner of Briarcliff and Shallowford.
OM2: Oh, was that on the flier?
BEN: Yeah, I think it was. (I am TOO gracious to these people.)
OM2: {giggle} Oh, I'm sorry! Well, thank you so much for all your help.
BEN: You're welcome, and I look forward to meeting you and your daughter tomorrow night.
Wow. Just wow.
Oh yeah, I haven't even mentioned yet about the 10 or so moms who have come to the door in the last couple of days and said, when one of us opened the door, "Hi! Is this the Young Life Office???" Every time it happens (including once while I was writing this post), the odds increase that I'm going to snap and say, "What gave you that clue, you dim bulb??? Was it that big ol' sign RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU that says 'YOUNG LIFE' in big, bold letters, or was it the dozens of pictures of kids, many wearing 'Young Life' shirts on the bulletin board right there next to you, or was it perhaps the fact that five signs on this property that say "Young Life" directed you to this particular door???"