today, with the 23rd pick in the 5th round of the 2010 IFL Draft, the California Heroes selected eventual stud kicker Morris Morris. Mr. Morris soon thereafter changed his first name to "Chuck", in honor of his recently deceased grandfather. The following is a list of Morrisms that have already begun. i will keep a running log as more comes in.

Chuck Morris doesn't kick accurately, rather he kicks the field goal and stares at the goal post until it moves to where the ball is going.

Chuck Morris first learned how to kick field goals by kicking nuclear armed missiles to Russia. It is only then that communism fell.

Chuck Morris wasn't picked first overall in the 2010 Draft because Chuck Morris didn't want to be disturbed from his sleep. He allowed the draft to start, and when he woke up at the time of the 5.23 pick he picked up the phone, called the IFL Commissioner and drafted himself for the California Heroes.

When Chuck Morris kicks a field goal, the sonic boom can be heard in Boston.

The moon doesn't influence the tides. Chuck Morris' kicks influence the tides.

(i love this one) :

A Heroes player once bet Chuck Morris he couldn't field goal from the 50 yard line. Morris won the bet, and the ball didn't land until Albuquerque.

When the Heroes march down the field, they make sure they stop at the 1 yard line so they don't piss Chuck Morris off.

Chuck Morris doesn't kick field goals. He launches spheres of death with his feet.

You aren't seeing Chuck Morris kick the football. You are seeing the football run away from Chuck Morris' foot.

Someone asked Chuck Morris what position he plays for the Heroes. Chuck Morris replied "Chuck Morris". That person said "Chuck Morris isn't a position".

Chuck Morris killed him.

Chuck Morris dosen't use a kick holder. The C just snaps the ball and Chuck Morris deleivers his trademark Roundhouse Kick upon it.

Chuck Morris kicks for all 32 IFL teams.

Nice.

When a player "attempts" to block a Chuck Morris kick, he dies.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Earth spins in the direction Chuck Morris kicks the ball.

Chuck Morris doesn't care which direction the thread of a football are pointed. When he kicks the ball, they all rip off anyhow.

Chuck Morris declared the IFL would now be called "Chuck Morris League", and the Commissioner said that wasn't possible.

The latest report is the Commissioner is doing fine and should be able to make a full recovery.

The only reason why Chuck Morris is a kicker is because he is forbidden by the IFL from using his hands out of safety for the other players.

Only one Chuck Morris field goal didn't go straight through the goal posts. It was because an opposing player tipped it with a fingernail. The ball veered four inches to the left.

The player lost his arm.

The only reason why Chuck Morris is a kicker is because he is forbidden by the IFL from using his hands out of safety for the other players.

LOL

When a kid, Chuck Morris played LB. Needless to say, that town is missing a generation

(i love this one) :

A Heroes player once bet Chuck Morris he couldn't field goal from the 50 yard line. Morris won the bet, and the ball didn't land until Albuquerque in the year 1987, hitting the player's pregnant mother in the stomach. The player then faded into non-existance.

fixed it.

What's going to happen to these sayings when Morris sucks?

What's going to happen to these sayings when Morris sucks?

not an option. Chuck Morris is ready to go.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/Chuck-Morris-scout.jpg

If this was Maximum Football, you could make all field goals worth 300 points from now on.

If this was Maximum Football, you could make all field goals worth 300 points from now on.

See, if they changed the game from Maximum Football to Morris Football, then the game would be awesome.

This Morris talk is all an attempt to divert attention away from the Dean Houston steroid controversy. I'm on to you!

Dean Houston smacked that kid because Chuck Morris made him.

The last college game Chuck Morris played in a safety on the opposing team intercepted a pass. Chuck Morris stared at that player until he gave the ball back to the offense.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/chuck-morris-card.jpg

that sound you heard was the dynamite going BOOM. wow. he went from 78/78 to 84/84. not bad for a 5th round pick which i set in my draft utility as "Best Kicker Available". i was goofing around about the power and majesty and might of Chuck Morris, but with 100 rating in kicking power i don't think all those Tales of Chuck Morris legends were that far off.

http://inlinethumb26.webshots.com/3929/2606779450100405781S600x600Q85.jpg

this is Chuck Morris. he won't stop. i may have to register him as a weapon of mass destruction.

Meh, his kickoff power makes me think he's probably a pussy on the football field.

Plus, he's a kicker. Not a roundhouse kicker, mind you, but a 174 lb-er. I think I've made craps that weigh more.

Chuck Morris wears a cup not to protect his genitalia.


It's to protect YOU from his genitalia.

This is a great thread. Can't believe I missed it the first time around.

he's now rated 91/91 overall, 100 ratings in both accuracy and power.

Chuck Morris doesn't wear two different shoes. The force of his kicks caused the kicking shoe to simply lose all pigmentation.

How's his stats so far?

How's his stats so far?

that's the real question. for all we know he could be another Mike Vanderjagt.

I'm amazed that HA is in a MP league he hasn't quit yet.

I'm amazed that HA is in a MP league he hasn't quit yet.

It's about time he rejoins the RWBL so he can quit again... :)

that's the real question. for all we know he could be another Mike Vanderjagt.

For all we know he could be the most accurate kicker in league history?

:)

Hate to stick up for Vanderjagt, but don't let a disappointing run in Dallas take away from his accomplishments.

I'm sure the heroes still suck.

There is nothing wrong with a good healthy hatred of anything related to HA.

I'm amazed that HA is in a MP league he hasn't quit yet.

because the people in the Imperial Football League are not sensitive pussies, and when you talk trash or criticize a move someone makes they don't take it personally and they don't hold grudges for several years like people in some other leagues i know. thick skin goes a long way in life. even in a MP league. :)

stats aren't mindboggling, but i'll take it for a 1st year kicker. since he's fully developed i'm expecting better accuracy next season since he'll start the season being awesome.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/Morris-Year-2.jpg


In some games Chuck Morris kicked field goals so hard the ball deflated upon contact. The officials had no choice but to mark them as missed field goals. That made Chuck Morris angry.

If you or anyone you know is aware of the location of these individuals, please contact their families.

because the people in the Imperial Football League are not sensitive pussies, and when you talk trash or criticize a move someone makes they don't take it personally and they don't hold grudges for several years like people in some other leagues i know. thick skin goes a long way in life. even in a MP league. :)

See and here I thought it was cause your teams always sucked and you had no stomach for rebuilding or building up a losing team.

Silly me.

Chuck Morris endores Mike Fuckabee for President.

stats aren't mindboggling, but i'll take it for a 1st year kicker. since he's fully developed i'm expecting better accuracy next season since he'll start the season being awesome.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/HellAtlantic/Morris-Year-2.jpg


In some games Chuck Morris kicked field goals so hard the ball deflated upon contact. The officials had no choice but to mark them as missed field goals. That made Chuck Morris angry.

If you or anyone you know is aware of the location of these individuals, please contact their families.

Green bars = not fully developed.

Chuck Morris endores Mike Fuckabee for President.

Nice. Very nice indeed.

Green bars = not fully developed.

green bars for kickoff ratings=not relevant to field goal stats



ty to keep up, big guy. :cool:

green bars for kickoff ratings=not relevant to field goal stats



ty to keep up, big guy. :cool:


You're an idiot, he's not fully developed.

unless Jim has found a way to have Field Goal Accuracy and Field Goal Power be rated *higher* than 100, he's fully developed. his kickoff ratings don't play a factor whatsoever when the game determines if his field goal kicks are successful. he could have zero ratings for kickoffs and it wouldn't come into play at all for when he kicks the FG.

i don't know how you won your championship in IHOF, but if you are indicative of the calibre of GMs in that league i'm fortunate to have left when i did. :)

Chuck Morris isn't gay, he just likes the company of men in the huddle.

I don't know Chuck Morris personally, but I was told by Dean Houston himself on lunch break here at the daycare that they had to estimate the date on his birth certificate because he kicked his way out of his fathers seminal vesicles during a wet dream, then went and found an egg to fertilize himself because he was tired of waiting.

Problem was, he personally inseminated his mother with such force that she experienced all three trimesters of growth in a split second and turned to dust, and theres no telling exactly when all this occurred or how long he has walked the earth since.

I don't know Chuck Morris personally, but I was told by Dean Houston himself on lunch break here at the daycare that they had to estimate the date on his birth certificate because he kicked his way out of his fathers seminal vesicles during a wet dream, then went and found an egg to fertilize himself because he was tired of waiting.

Problem was, he personally inseminated his mother with such force that she experienced all three trimesters of growth in a split second and turned to dust, and theres no telling exactly when all this occurred or how long he has walked the earth since.

Ok...he is Chuck Morris and all....but the "personally inseminated his mother" part just sounds a bit weird to me.

*braces for the impact of the Chuck Morris boot to the head causing death and deformation*

Cheers!

Chuck Morris came not from impregnation due to sperm joining with egg. Chuck Morris just is. Is a dream borne from testicles or ovaries? No, a dream is plucked from the air. A dream for freedom. A dream for power.

A dream for glory.

No one knows the exact time Chuck Morris came into existence, just as no one knows exactly the precise time ideas like honor and qualities like steely reserve and calm under fire were created. Rather, these are concepts invented long ago and passed on from era to era.

When the first Colonial Patriot took up arms against the British Empire - establing the first instance of American bravery - Chuck Morris was there.

When the Jews who built the pyramids felt the lashings from the Pharoah's whip - creating the first recorded moment of human determination, endurance and stomach for pain - Chuck Morris was there.

When the first human grasped a spear and thrust it into the charging mammoth - creating the first spark of strength and courage - Chuck Morris was there.

So, you see, Chuck Morris isn't just a kicker or football player - he is the personification of greatness and the living embodiment of power and grace and magnificence. With each launching of the football towards the goalposts, he honors the hardened grit of that Patriot, the quiet fortitude of the enslaved Jew, the fury and braun of the caveman.

Ok...not quite as disturbing now. :)

Cheers!

I knew Dean was lying about that shit.

Does Chuck Morris pork sheep too?