I have a question that involves proper travel etiquette. This question has cost me a long term friendship and I wonder what others think the answer is.

One person feels that if you take somoene in your car when you go to party, eat, or out in general, the other party is obliged to ride back home with you no matter what. To do otherwise shows a lack of respect.

The other party feels that this is a control issue. They feel that riding in the car is a convenience, not a contract and to expect them to be unable to be flexible shows lack of respect.

We're not talking hooking up kind of thing; just general guy stuff. Most of the incidents have been where there was a stupid argument that party number two decided to ditch before it got out of hand. None of the arguments mattered to either party but after a few cold ones, arguments occur. Both sides agree with this being what's going on.

So, what's the Emily Post about taking rides? Do you have to ride back with the person who brought you or is it normal to expect that you can get home any way you want?

Wait, so if someone gives me a ride somewhere, and I decide I want to leave early and catch a ride back with someone else, that's considered rude in some circles?

It sounds like you're talking about something else - someone getting pissed that someone else is fleeing an argument before its resolved. I don't think the car/rides has anything to do with the dispute you're describing.

One person feels that if you take somoene in your car when you go to party, eat, or out in general, the other party is obliged to ride back home with you no matter what. To do otherwise shows a lack of respect.

:confused:

I have never heard of this.

Wait, so if someone gives me a ride somewhere, and I decide I want to leave early and catch a ride back with someone else, that's considered rude in some circles?

It sounds like you're talking about something else - someone getting pissed that someone else is fleeing an argument before its resolved. I don't think the car/rides has anything to do with the dispute you're describing.

I would agree but the arguments are never mentioned afterwards. They are minor and petty. The only issue that is mentioned is the ditching the ride. That's why I'm asking. Is it maybe a passive/agressive thing or is there some etiquette that deems it rude?

[edit to add]

The last time this happened the second party had become ill and caught a bus home. Party one clearly stated that the reason one ditches doesn't matter. Ditching is disrespectful.

Party one clearly stated that the reason one ditches doesn't matter. Ditching is disrespectful.

Party one seems to need to get a fucking life.

One clarification I would make is that the passenger should not leave via other means without making sure that their original driver knows they've found other transportation. Leaving them hanging, wondering if something has happened to their passenger or leaving them hanging around trying to figure out if the passenger is still expecting a ride home at the end of the evening even though they're currently nowhere to be found, that is rude as hell.

But with that element covered, then finding a different method of going home isn't an issue at all AFAIC.

Party one seems to need to get a fucking life.

One clarification I would make is that the passenger should not leave via other means without making sure that their original driver knows they've found other transportation. Leaving them hanging, wondering if something has happened to their passenger or leaving them hanging around trying to figure out if the passenger is still expecting a ride home at the end of the evening even though they're currently nowhere to be found, that is rude as hell.

But with that element covered, then finding a different method of going home isn't an issue at all AFAIC.

How about if party two doesn't have a prearranged ride but tells party one clearly that he will make alternate arrangements so to go home without him? It's similar but not quite what you stated above but that is the most egregious the "ditching" has become.

Party one has a pole up his ass

How about if party two doesn't have a prearranged ride but tells party one clearly that he will make alternate arrangements so to go home without him? It's similar but not quite what you stated above but that is the most egregious the "ditching" has become.

Once party two says "don't worry about it, I've got it covered", that meets their threshold of responsibility AFAIC.

Once party two says "don't worry about it, I've got it covered", that meets their threshold of responsibility AFAIC.

bingo.

Sounds to me like Party One has a crush on Party Two.

There is a certain amount of using going on by party 2.

He obviously cant get himslf to the action so he uses party 1.

I can see where party 1 may hate driving home alone (especially if its a long drive) but I have been party 2 moe than I care to count.

I think communiction is the key

BTW Drunk I am

I saw about three parties in the first post.

BTW - I think the distance of travel does become an issue here. But only if you're travelling more than like 30 minutes away, which doesn't seem likely under this scenario.

Party one seems to need to get a fucking life.

One clarification I would make is that the passenger should not leave via other means without making sure that their original driver knows they've found other transportation. Leaving them hanging, wondering if something has happened to their passenger or leaving them hanging around trying to figure out if the passenger is still expecting a ride home at the end of the evening even though they're currently nowhere to be found, that is rude as hell.

But with that element covered, then finding a different method of going home isn't an issue at all AFAIC.

Completely agree with this. The only obligation of the person getting the ride is to be prepared to leave whenever the driver is ready to leave. If the receiver of the ride doesn't want to leave when the driver does, they better be prepared to find alternate transportation.

Now, lets add question two to the table.

In the last instance, where Party 2 was sick and left by bus, Party 2 had left electronic equipment in the car of Party 1 who did not want to let Party 2 retrieve it.

Party 2 left anyway so Party 1 promptly drove to the motel where Party 2 was staying. Party 1 knew Party 2 could not be home yet as Party 2 went by bus.

Party 1 then left Party 2's equipment hanging on the outside of his door and it promptly gets stolen. Party 1 feels that he bears no responsibility for this since Party 2 ditched and he can't understand why Party 2 can't act mature and accept that this was all his fault for ditching and forget that it happened.

Does Party 1 have a valid point or should Party 2 be pissed?

Now, lets add question two to the table.

In the last instance, where Party 2 was sick and left by bus, Party 2 had left electronic equipment in the car of Party 1 who did not want to let Party 2 retrieve it.

Party 2 left anyway so Party 1 promptly drove to the motel where Party 2 was staying. Party 1 knew Party 2 could not be home yet as Party 2 went by bus.

Party 1 then left Party 2's equipment hanging on the outside of his door and it promptly gets stolen. Party 1 feels that he bears no responsibility for this since Party 2 ditched and he can't understand why Party 2 can't act mature and accept that this was all his fault for ditching and forget that it happened.

Does Party 1 have a valid point or should Party 2 be pissed?

party 1 is an asshole

This sounds like the worst party ever.

If I were P2, I'd be taking the value of that gear out of P1's ass.

Serioulsy...

I was being somewhat funny with the crush thing... but I just don't see two guy buddies acting like this... iP1 is acting like a woman.

Now, lets add question two to the table.

In the last instance, where Party 2 was sick and left by bus, Party 2 had left electronic equipment in the car of Party 1 who did not want to let Party 2 retrieve it.

Party 2 left anyway so Party 1 promptly drove to the motel where Party 2 was staying. Party 1 knew Party 2 could not be home yet as Party 2 went by bus.

Party 1 then left Party 2's equipment hanging on the outside of his door and it promptly gets stolen. Party 1 feels that he bears no responsibility for this since Party 2 ditched and he can't understand why Party 2 can't act mature and accept that this was all his fault for ditching and forget that it happened.

Does Party 1 have a valid point or should Party 2 be pissed?

Party 2's right to be pissed, in my opinion.

Leaving equipment where it can get stolen is a seriously dickish move, especially if Party 1 and Party 2 are supposed to be friends.

So Party 2 left by bus and couldn't go back with Party 1. That doesn't still doesn't excuse Party 1's asshat move.

Party 1 should have to pay for Party 2's stolen equipment.

Completely agree with this. The only obligation of the person getting the ride is to be prepared to leave whenever the driver is ready to leave. If the receiver of the ride doesn't want to leave when the driver does, they better be prepared to find alternate transportation.

I agree with both JiMG's post that EF27 quoted and the doc's post.

If I were P2, I'd be taking the value of that gear out of P1's ass.


Ditto. That is messed up by Party 1.

Does Party 1 have a valid point or should Party 2 be pissed?

Only way Party 1 has a valid point to do that is if Party 2 took Party 1's wife back to said motel for their own little party..


On a separate note.. please tell us you were party 2 and not party 1...

Party 1 feels that he bears no responsibility for this

If I were Party 2, this is the point where my head would explode like that scene in Scanners.

Seriously, why is Party 2 even friends with Party 1? Party 1 sounds like a real jackass. Who the fuck would be friends with someone who thought and acted like this?

Non-issue to me, unless there is some sort of prioir pact... like you've made it explicitly clear you're going into an uncomfortable situation and want/need some sort of security blanked around or something.

Otherwise i dont know anyone who would be pissed if another friend decided to leave early or stay late and get home by another means.

Only way Party 1 has a valid point to do that is if Party 2 took Party 1's wife back to said motel for their own little party..


On a separate note.. please tell us you were party 2 and not party 1...

His wife and I have a pretty strong dislike and I wouldn't tap it with the FOFC token member.

Oh, and yes, I'm party 2 but I was trying to present this issue without that coloring the response I got. Party 1 really has no understanding why I'm upset and want nothing to do with him anymore.

If I were Party 2, this is the point where my head would explode like that scene in Scanners.

Seriously, why is Party 2 even friends with Party 1? Party 1 sounds like a real jackass. Who the fuck would be friends with someone who thought and acted like this?

That is how I react when I think about it.

It's been over a month and the guy emails yesterday to see if I've put that nonsense behind me because he's moved on and then goes ballistic when I pretty much said I wasn't going to put it behind me.

I just really was wondering about the etiquette thing, not because it would excuse the latter part but because he makes a snide remark that I should rethink the bolting thing with future friends since it won't "fly well with anybody that has a shred of self-respect." That's a direct quote.

It makes no sense to me and I've been on both sides of it before but we have lived in different parts of the country so I was wondering if it was a regional thing.

... I was wondering if it was a regional thing.

Maybe so ... if the region involved is P1's ass & that's where his head lives.

I mean seriously, he hung electronic equipment on a hotel door?

He knows what he is doing.

Otherwise he would have taken it to the desk and asked them to get it to you....

What a whiny little bitch.

Party 1 then left Party 2's equipment hanging on the outside of his door and it promptly gets stolen.

The "respect" thing over the rides, that's maybe something I can look past as someone being oversensitive. But I would never, ever associate with anyone who left something of mine hanging outside of a hotel door. This is a person you can't trust, can't count on, who obviously hates you, and will obviously go out of his way to hurt you and make your life miserable however he can. In my "region" these are enemies, not friends.

Sounds to me like Party One has a crush on Party Two.

I think this is the only way the story makes any sense.

I just really was wondering about the etiquette thing, not because it would excuse the latter part but because he makes a snide remark that I should rethink the bolting thing with future friends since it won't "fly well with anybody that has a shred of self-respect." That's a direct quote.

Sounds like someone with a huge ego problem. I'll bet anything that his problem wasn't "Party 2 got a ride from someone else other than Party 1", his problem is that the world doesn't revolve around him and he hates any reminder of that fact. Wouldn't surprise me if he just made up that etiquette thing to excuse his behavior (especially considering no one here has ever heard of such a thing).

Am I the only one that actually likes it if "Party 2" finds a different way home? One less stop I have to make, I don't have to worry about leaving when Party 2 needs to leave, etc.

I agree with both JiMG's post that EF27 quoted and the doc's post.+1. And after reading the second portion (electronic equipment left out side the room), I'd be beyond just considering it (leaving early) a non-issue, I'd move on to being pissed. I think you're completely justified in not being friends with the person any longer.

I would sue his ass for the value of the electronic equipment in small claims court (gawd, I hope it would only qualify for small claims).

I don't get that at all. And why on earth didn't P1 want to let P2 get the equipment from his car? That's just freakin' deranged right there, even before we get to the "logic" of hanging it on a hotel room door.

This whole thing would make a lot more sense if P1 was "ditching" P2 and not telling him or letting him hang, which is what I thought it must be at first. I had to re-read it to be sure it was asshat situation like this.

There's gotta be a My Name Is Earl episode in this somewhere.

Am I the only one that actually likes it if "Party 2" finds a different way home? One less stop I have to make, I don't have to worry about leaving when Party 2 needs to leave, etc.


Nope. I generally am glad when "Party 2" finds a way home and I can get home quicker from wherever I'm leaving when I'm ready to leave.

So you get sick, and not only does your friend not offer to give you a ride back to your hotel, he refuses to let you get your stuff from his car when you decide to take the bus. He then leaves right then anyways, goes directly to your hotel, and leaves your stuff just hanging on the outside of your door. He went out of his way to act in an extremely spiteful manner.. this person is not worth your time.