From: hxxp://seyton.blogspot.com/2005/04/if-i-cum-now-will-it-be-too-soon-or.html

"If I cum now, will it be too soon" or why guys are quiet in bed

I was once having a conversation with some peps at a bar, and an interesting subject came up. Someone asked, "Why are guys so quiet in bed." And while this is by no means true for all guys, here is my answer.

Guys are quiet in bed because we are too busy thinking. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what I've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.

Not only am I thinking during sex, I am multi-tasking. My neuro-net processor of a brain is pounding algorithms as fast as my penis is pounding pussy.

Just what is going through my head during sex? Like the moon, this is a frontier so far journeyed only by man. But here is a small window of what goes on in my head during sex:


"Alright, time for some action"
"I hope I don't fuck up this time"
"Is that the right hole?"
"Oh wait, there it is"
"All right, lets start out slow"

It isn't long before my thoughts turn into a quiet panic.

Seyton: "Damn, she just moved."
Seyton: "Did I do something right, or did I hurt her"
-soft moaning starts-
Seyton: "She's making noises!"
Seyton: "Pain noises or pleasure noises?"
BRAIN: "Let try stepping up the pace a little"
-increased moaning"-
Seyton: "More noises, I pretty sure that's pleasure now"
Seyton: "Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that"
Seyton: "Lets try changing the angle a bit"
.............................
Seyton: "Nope, didn't like that"
-Moans quieting-
Seyton: "Damn, what was I doing before?"
Seyton: "Fuck it, lets try a different position"
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
Seyton: "Yeah....that one was definitely pain>
WOMAN: "What are you doing?"
Seyton: "Mayday! Mayday!"
Seyton: "Decrease Velocity!"
Seyton: "Open flaps"
Seyton: "Landing gear engaged"
Seyton: "Disengage primary thrusters"
Seyton: "Systems check"
ME: "You allright?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
Seyton: "No system damage"
ME: "Allright, lets try this again"

—five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over—
Seyton: "Allright, back on track"
-Moans increasing in volume and frequency-
Seyton: "Target in sight, hold position"
-Full body blush commencing-
Seyton: "C'mon.......C'mon"
-Back arching-
Seyton: "Hold it......Hold it....."
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
Seyton: "Oh shit"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
Seyton: "Oh shit, not yet!"
-Moaning above 80 decibals-
Seyton: "Just a little longer"
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
Seyton: "FUCK! I'm not going to make it"
Seyton: "Pull out and prepare for manual override"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
Seyton: "Pull out, pull out"
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
Seyton: "NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!"
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
Seyton: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
Seyton: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
Seyton: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
COMPUTER: Target heart rate reached
COMPUTER: Breathing nominal
Seyton: "Must....hold....on"
COMPUTER: FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING
Seyton: "can't.....hold it"
COMPUTER: FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING
Seyton: "Its out of my control, its in God's hands now"
COMPUTER: "PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING"
--keeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr SPLAT!--
COMPUTER: "AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING"
-THUD-
WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry" -blush-
ME: No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME: Nothing"
ME: Did you cum"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice"
ME: Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"

Do you ever find that pre-orgasm expression on a guys face funny?
Ever wonder what he's feeling"
Its not pain
Its not pleasure
It is deep, hard, seething thought.

*patiently waits for noop's reaction*

Brilliant!

"It's funny because it's true."

I've learned so much here today. Thanks Blackadar. Now GE and I have to talk about this 'female orgasm' thing you mentioned.

I've learned so much here today. Thanks Blackadar. Now GE and I have to talk about this 'female orgasm' thing you mentioned.

I'm glad I could perform a public service today. :)

Now GE and I have to talk about this 'female orgasm' thing you mentioned.
Run, GE! Eject! Eject! Eject!

From: hxxp://seyton.blogspot.com/2005/04/if-i-cum-now-will-it-be-too-soon-or.html

Guys are quiet in bed because we are too busy thinking. You heard me right. Thinking. Deep thoughts. You see, it seems to generally the guy's job, (at least in my experience) to make the girl feel as good as possible and have sweet, sweet orgasms. The girl, on the other hand, is generally content to just lay back and see what I've got to offer. Again, I can't speak for anyone else, this is just in my personal experience.
Poor guy. He really needs to get out more.

For every mover and shaker there are tons of girls who do the lay there and make you guess thing.

For every mover and shaker there are tons of girls who do the lay there and make you guess thing.
Tons of girls? Who are you, Wilt Chamberlain?

Tons of girls? Who are you, Wilt Chamberlain?

No, he just likes 'em really, really heavy. More cushin' for the pushin', I suppose.

Maybe it is because you are not that good, Blackie. Work on your technique and I'm sure your boyfriends will be more responsive.

MY first impression on why the guy that wrote that is quiet in bed is because he's a dork.

Maybe it is because you are not that good, Blackie. Work on your technique and I'm sure your boyfriends will be more responsive.

Well, I'll see if I can get some pointers so you get more out of it when I get you drunk and stick it up your butt.

*patiently waits for noop's reaction*
http://dynamic2.gamespy.com/%7Efof/forums/images/smilies/biggrin.gif Good Stuff

Well?

Well?
I don't get it? :(

I was expecting something a little more...noop.

I was expecting something a little more...noop.
Well I find this funny. I don't know if I can really add anything to this discussion.

Noop is limp.

Let's just say, given your previous comments on the general subject matter, that I figured you'd have less thoughts about how the woman's orgasm was coming along than this guy does.

Let's just say, given your previous comments on the general subject matter, that I figured you'd have less thoughts about how the woman's orgasm was coming along than this guy does.
He's probably too busy punching her boobs.

He's probably too busy punching her boobs.


:) :) :)

Let's just say, given your previous comments on the general subject matter, that I figured you'd have less thoughts about how the woman's orgasm was coming along than this guy does.
Ah I don't care if she got her orgasm or if he did. I found the story funny and that is my comment... As for rkmsuf and Farrah I have snide comments I could just throw around at you two all day.

As for rkmsuf and Farrah I have snide comments I could just throw around at you two all day.
No need to be shy Noop, by all means...

No need to be shy Noop, by all means...
Please so you and your group of male internet followers can ave your field day. No thanks I am not going for that bait.

Why Guys are Quiet in Bed

Hey Blackie, maybe its the ball-gag.

Because I don't want to hear the sound of my voice. Kind of takes me out of the mood. If it does that to me, its got to be worse for a woman... Its like porn. I want to hear the girl moan, but hearing the guy ruins it for me... especially scrambled.

I scream like I am on fire for as long as I have breath, then when all the oxygen has left my bran, I have intense visions formerly of which only eskimos had spoken.

I scream like I am on fire for as long as I have breath, then when all the oxygen has left my bran, I have intense visions formerly of which only eskimos had spoken.
Your bran must be very appreciative after such a raucous session... surely your oatmeal is jealous.

I've been told I snore.

Well, I'll see if I can get some pointers so you get more out of it when I get you drunk and stick it up your butt.


Yeah, I was wondering when you were going to demand a trade off.

my friend fucked a midget about a month ago. i forgot to tell everyone that. we haven't stopped joking about it.

my friend fucked a midget about a month ago. i forgot to tell everyone that. we haven't stopped joking about it.

Was he tight? And did you watch?

:D

Nicely said.

the midget was hell atlantic.

That's like the ending of the "The Crying Game." Except Hell Atlantic is a midget, instead of a she-male.

That's like the ending of the "The Crying Game." Except Hell Atlantic is a midget, instead of a she-male.

Actually, HA is a she-male midget.