Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned
anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?



------------------
Marinovich is God. I have proof.

"Why did you think I took you to see all those police academy movies?!? FOR FUN?!? Well I didn't see anybody laughing...except at that sounds guy (whoo-whoo, ayee-ayee, aoooooga)."---Homer

-Ben

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

------------------
Marinovich is God. I have proof.

Otto: "Stoner's Pot Palace, that is blatant false advertisement"

"Far too much dancing, not nearly enough prancing!" - Mr. Burns after a ballet.

Now listen carefully Marge, I want you to pull on the THING, that's next to the other
THING.

*flames engulf Homer's head*

No, that was not the THING.

I bent my wookie.

Homer on the run, trying to escape a Las Vegas casino:

"Ah! Security! Ahh! Police! Ahhh!! The Moody Blues!"

------------------
Wellington Mara mocking the press's opinion on his 2000 Giants: "We were the worst team to get home field in the playoffs. We were the worst team to get to a championship game. Now we'll be the worst team ever to win a Super Bowl."

"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money back by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one." - Homer

"Homer, lighten uo. You're making happy hour bitterly Ironic." - Moe

"You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week. (listens) I told you. My baby beat me up. (listens) Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up." - Homer

"Ooh, Ibetter take down the manger scene! If baby Jesus got loose, he could really do some damage!" - Ned


------------------
Just a litte bit of Uh-huh and whole lotta Oh-Yea!

"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolinest day using an electric fool machine"-Homer
---------------------
"Don't blame me I voted for Kodos"-Homer

"Happy Birthday you old bastard"-rolling stones

"That's it, time for a good old fashioned hippie ass whupping." - Chief Wiggum

less artsy, more fartsy!

My cats breath smells like cat food.

Homer realizes that he does not want to send Mr. Burns a hateful letter but learns that Bart has already mailed it.

And so Homer goes up to Post office 'guy':

Homer: Hi, my name is Mr. Burns and I believe you have some mail for me.

POG: Ok Mr. Burns, what is your last name?

Homer: I don't know...

<IMG SRC="biggrin.gif" border="0">

Marge: I hope you learned something after all of this. (Have no idea if this is actual line, but the next one is. )

Homer: Marge, I haven't learned a thing.

Ralph: "Go Banana"

Otto: Why do they call them fingers? I've never seen them fing.

Best joke they never used:

In the episode where Homer creates the Flaming Homer drink and Moe steals it and calls it the Flaming Mo, they reconcile at the end. Why they didn't call that drink the "Flaming HoMo" after that, I'll never understand.

Lenny: "I logged on to the internet"

"Daddy? I think I wet my bed..."

[ 04-10-2002: Message edited by: MIJB#19 ]

"Have the Rolling Stones killed." Mr. Burns after watching the Ramones perform at his birthday party.

"Your house smells like feces... and not just monkey feces." Homer

" I like my women hot, and my gays Flaming"

This thread was revived after over a year?

Snowed In.

The kids tied up Seymour Skinner in a dodgeball sack while they are trapped in the school. While trapped, he sends off his pet Nibbles to go find help.

At the end, he is happy to find Nibbles returned with the Simpson family and Ned Flanders to get them out.

Principal Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball-sack.

---

Another scene from that, the snow is melting away..

Bart: Look the snow's melting!
Ralph: With a little help from our friend Sodium Chloride!

Nelson proceeds to beat the living crap out of Ralphy Wiggum.

Another, on the stranded island episode, its a little vague but I remember the funny part.

Lisa: Remember, if anyone finds anything to eat, dont eat the purple berries!!

Ralph: I ated the purple berries!

Lisa: ..What'd it taste like, Ralph?

Ralph: It tastes like.. burning!

Originally posted by Shorty3281:
Snowed In.

The kids tied up Seymour Skinner in a dodgeball sack while they are trapped in the school. While trapped, he sends off his pet Nibbles to go find help.

At the end, he is happy to find Nibbles returned with the Simpson family and Ned Flanders to get them out.

Principal Skinner: You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball-sack.

---

Another scene from that, the snow is melting away..

Bart: Look the snow's melting!
Ralph: With a little help from our friend Sodium Chloride!

Nelson proceeds to beat the living crap out of Ralphy Wiggum.

I feel like I did this before in a previous Simpsons thread, and it may have even been Shorty, but...

That last line was not said by Ralph Wiggum. Ralph would never say something like that. I don't think he can say something like that.

The character who said that had to be Martin.

Chief Rum

damn, true. i remember you correcting me too, lol. ive got the audio, i swear it sounds like ralph

Ralph: Hi Lisa! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! I'm learnding!

Ralph: Hi Lisa! Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers! I'm learnding!

never gets old...Super Nintendo Chalmers...

(setting fire to high school diploma)
I am so smart! I am so smart!

S-M-A-T! I mean S-M-A-R-T!

"I'm Idaho!"

"Yes Ralph, we know you are."

actualy she says "Of course you are Ralph"

:-)

Homer : "Well, it seems that the cat burgaler was caught by the very person that was trying to catch him."

Principal Skinner : "How Ironic."

In the military school episode (but while she's still in Springfield Elementary), Lisa's class watches a couple of filmstrips, including one about the moon. The filmstrip talks about how we will establish colonies on the moon by 1964 (it was an OLD filmstrip), and how people will weigh much less on the moon than they would on Earth. It then shows some fat kid chowing down on some food, and the narrator (Troy McClure's dad??) says:

"Whoa! Slow down there Tubby. You're not on the moon yet!"

That one always cracks me up.

[ 04-11-2002: Message edited by: Craptacular ]

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No!

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal!

Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.


____
also


Maude Flanders: Edna, I really don't think we're talking about love. We're talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N.

Krusty the Clown: Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down!


_____
once more

Kent Brockman: Just miles from your doorstep, hundreds of men are given weapons and trained to kill. The government calls it the Army, but a more alarmist name would be... THE KILLBOT FACTORY!

Security Guy: Surely you cant put a price on your family's life.

Homer: I wouldn't think think so either, yet here we are.

That sex chauldron line always gets me.

At the salue to Seymour Skinner night:

Lisa: A young Seymour Skinner served in Vietnam, earning a Purple Heart.

Ralph: Principal Skinner is an old man who lives at the school. Lisa?

Lisa: Upon retiring home, Seymour Skinner fulfilled his lifelong goal of becoming principal of Sprinfield Elementary.

Ralph: When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.

Daddy's chest is crying

Homer: I'm not normally a praying man, but if your up there... save me superman.

Homer: What do ya say honey... feelin stupid... I know I am.

[ 04-29-2002: Message edited by: Easy Mac ]

Originally posted by craptacular
In the military school episode (but while she's still in Springfield Elementary), Lisa's class watches a couple of filmstrips, including one about the moon. The filmstrip talks about how we will establish colonies on the moon by 1964 (it was an OLD filmstrip), and how people will weigh much less on the moon than they would on Earth. It then shows some fat kid chowing down on some food, and the narrator (Troy McClure's dad??) says:

"Whoa! Slow down there Tubby. You're not on the moon yet!"

That one always cracks me up.

[ 04-11-2002: Message edited by: Craptacular ]

Great quote, there Crappie!

- Homer no function beer well without.


- To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

''A shinny new donkey to whoever bringsme the head of Col. Montoya.''

Mr. Burns

'' To overcome the spiders curse you must recite a bible verse .''
''Though Shalt not....:picks rock and throws it at spider :.''

BART: ''Christmas is the time people of all religions celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ .''

You can't forget the episode where Homer suspected Bart of being gay, and so decided to take Bart out hunting with Barney and Mo.

Then Mo asks Bart why he's never gone out hunting:

Bart: Eh, there's something about a bunch of guys, going out alone into the woods. I dunno, seems kind of gay to me.

Everytime I think of this scene I smile. Simply classic.

Neuqua

In the episode with REM.

Michael Stipe breaks a botlle and goes towards Homer threateningly.

Bill Buck: "No Michael. That's not the REM way."

Later they all share a tofu turkey.

Homer: "Ummm, tofu."

Guard: [laughs] There's no need to murmur, ma'am. Here at Itchy and Scratchy Land we're just as concerned about violence as you are. That's why we're always careful to show the consequences of deadly mayhem so that we may educate as well as horrify.
Marge: When do you show the consequences? On TV that mouse pulled out that cat's lungs and played them like a bagpipe, but in the next scene the cat was breathing comfortably.
Guard: Just like in real life.
[pause]
[pointing] Hey, look over there!
[family does so, he takes off quickly]

Then again there are some other great quotes in this ep..

Homer: Back, you robots! NOBODY RUINS MY FAMILY VACATION BUT ME... ...and maybe the boy.

Lisa: Dad! The flash must have scrambled their circuits.
Homer: What are you, the narrator?

Bart: [German accent] Hey mouse...say cheese.
[snaps picture; an Itchy robot collapses]
With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.
[Homer emerges from a pile of robots]
Homer: Die, bad robots, die! [laughs]
With a dry, cool wit like that, I could be an action hero.

SI

Come on, no Milhouse quotes??

"This dog is way better then your old dog. Remember when your old dog ate my goldfish, and then you lied and said I never had a goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?!?"

From the last new episode:

Otto while driving the bus: "Woah! What am I smoking? (turn to see Otto is holding a joint) Oh, that's right. Pot."

"We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy." - Milhouse

"The House always wins." - Milhouse

"Me fail english that's unpossible" - Ralph

"Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl Bart? Why did I have the bowl?" - Milhouse

"Shut up. Shut up. I can't believe you don't shut up." - Apu Nahasa...whatever

"Marge, its uter-us, not uter-you." - Homer

When Krusty finds out he has a daughter, he says to her:
"I'm not the kind of father who does things, or says stuff, or looks at you... but the love is there."

This one may have already been mentioned, but I just saw the episode where Bart creates a fictional love interest/pen pal for Crabapple, and then sets up a dinner meeting at which, of course, the love interest never shows and Crabapple starts crying. And Bart says, "I can't help but feel like I'm partly to blame."

I've seen that one a hundred times, but that really cracked me up this time for some reason.

There was a great new one liner from Ralph Wiggum Sunday... the same episode w/ Otto and the pot, anyone remember it? I can't believe i forgot :/

It was when Marge sprayed Ralph with pepper spray.

It was something like:

Even my buggers taste spicy.

Todd

god bless you henry296 :) That's it

"It's like the square root of a million....no one will ever know."

One from a couple weeks back:

Bart: "I'm so glad you're ok Dad!"

Homer: "So am I son, it is every parent's dream to outlive their children"

Neuqua

Saxamaphone.

-Homer

Why the hell am I listed as a "guest" in my post from 4/12 on the first page?

Easy mac and Airhog are as well.