about 3-4 weeks ago I was on the metro with a fairly attractive you women, I was surreptitiously checking here out (dont we all). I remember thinking, thats an odd clothing choice (leaving capital hill at 5pm you assume its a gov worker), since she wasn't dressed up at all, but also wasnt wearing typical tourist fare. well she clearly caught me looking, but oh well, just some chick right? well.....

fast forward to this afternoon, my Assistant Secretary retired today, and we all went up to the going away. Normal work stuff... nothing special, right? well said young women is apparently in the same staff div as me, and... its someone I talk to fairly regualry, and the reason she was dressed oddly, shes military (most of the ones here change and leave their uniforms in their offices). She not only recognized me as the guy who had been checking her out, she knew who I was.

So here I am listening to a going away speach, and she sidles up next to me, whispers hi, and sugests that I keep my eyes in my head on the metro. ooppps. (nautrally I didnt think of anything witty to say, and looked even more the fool) oh well!

Unless you're married, this would be the point at which you should ask her out.

well it wasnt one of those "tee hee, hes checking me out" reactions, more along the lines of, "dont be a pig"

I will probably ask her out anyways!

Or turn it around and accuse her of ogling you on the metro! ;)

Unless you're married, this would be the point at which you should ask her out.

+1

If she wasn't into you she absolutely wouldn't have said anything

That broad wants the clap....err...claphamsa

Unless you're married, this would be the point at which you should ask her out.

Your first response was much better ;)

what was it?

JUST ASK HER OUT YOU ****ING TOOL!!!!

ya, :(

To: Sexy train/staff chick
From: claphamsa

Subject: Need assistance with stationary/in-transit ocular activities

Dear Ms. #####,

I would like to thank you again for your constructive criticism regarding my observational abilities and assessment of the proper time at which to employ them. Since our previous discussion was cut short, however, I was wondering if you might have some free time to continue this conversation, as I am very interested in your advice.

Unfortunately my days, probably like yours, are quite full, but I could do a meeting after 5:00 if that is amenable to you. Offsite is fine.

Looking forward to your further insight.

Yours,
clampy, ESQ

Yeah ask her out. If she was really appalled she wouldn't have said anything to you.

Clap hasn't actually told us if he's married yet....

im not, and she wont be in another month or so.....

"Keep your eyes in your head on the metro" is actually youth slang for "keep your penis in my vagina".

I think. Could be wrong on that one. I'm like 70% sure.

To: Sexy train/staff chick
From: claphamsa

Subject: Need assistance with stationary/in-transit ocular activities

Dear Ms. #####,

I would like to thank you again for your constructive criticism regarding my observational abilities and assessment of the proper time at which to employ them. Since our previous discussion was cut short, however, I was wondering if you might have some free time to continue this conversation, as I am very interested in your advice.

Unfortunately my days, probably like yours, are quite full, but I could do a meeting after 5:00 if that is amenable to you. Offsite is fine.

Looking forward to your further insight.

Yours,
clampy, ESQ

Nicely done. The "clampy, ESQ" is gold :D

SI

im not, and she wont be in another month or so.....

Dynasty thread please.

haha, maybe.

im not, and she wont be in another month or so.....

I hear that getting involved with separated women who aren't divorced yet is a good idea :nono:

SI

I hear that getting involved with separated women who aren't divorced yet is a good idea :nono:

SI
heh, my last serious GF was on a rebound from a divorce..... its a pretty ideal situation, they want a guy who will pay attention to them, but there is none of the sexual games... they know what they want and demand it :D

Nobody has asked for pix yet?

well said young women is apparently in the same staff div as me, and... its someone I talk to fairly regualry

I thought that line was kind of funny. I thought this was some random person you didn't know that you saw on the train, not someone you talk to on a regular basis. In that case I would've recommended talking to her while you were on the Metro so you could've had a good excuse to take the eyeballs out of your head.

I thought that line was kind of funny. I thought this was some random person you didn't know that you saw on the train, not someone you talk to on a regular basis. In that case I would've recommended talking to her while you were on the Metro so you could've had a good excuse to take the eyeballs out of your head.
I talk to her... didnt mean I knew what she looked like :)

Tell her you were only staring because you're the seer; therefore, you should go to her place to avoid being night-killed.

about 3-4 weeks ago I was on the metro with a fairly attractive you women, I was surreptitiously checking here out (dont we all).

pics plz thanx

Tell her you were only staring because you're the seer; therefore, you should go to her place to avoid being night-killed.

WINNER...WINNER...CHICKEN DINNER!!! :lol:

pics plz thanx

Here's a pic from the on-train tape of claph:

http://www.midnightpudding.com/sitebuilder/images/Wolf_Eyes_Tex_Avery-222x160.jpg

To: Sexy train/staff chick
From: claphamsa

Subject: Need assistance with stationary/in-transit ocular activities

Dear Ms. #####,

I would like to thank you again for your constructive criticism regarding my observational abilities and assessment of the proper time at which to employ them. Since our previous discussion was cut short, however, I was wondering if you might have some free time to continue this conversation, as I am very interested in your advice.

Unfortunately my days, probably like yours, are quite full, but I could do a meeting after 5:00 if that is amenable to you. Offsite is fine.

Looking forward to your further insight.

Yours,
clampy, ESQ

You should also schedule this as a meeting on her Outlook. Ask Pumpy for more details.

You should also schedule this as a meeting on her Outlook. Ask Pumpy for more details.
Listen to this man.

I agree with Pumpy.

It can't possibly go wrong.

You should also schedule this as a meeting on her Outlook. Ask Pumpy for more details.

You should upgrade to Net Meeting, it offers a more personalized approach to inter-office relations.

This does sound like quite the awkward situation, claphamsa. But at least you're not a married guy who got caught looking at least twice by the same woman. And she didn't suddenly start inviting you to join her for lunch every time she wore a low-cut top, even though she didn't offer when she wore a turtleneck. And she didn't start making up pet names for you like you were her new best friend in the world. And she didn't try to sit on your lap in front of a bunch of stunned co-workers.

God, wouldn't that be something? Can't imagine what that experience would be like.

So, uh, anyway, schedule a meeting in Outlook and ask her to go out on a date.

See, Pumpy always knows.

This thread. It's fantastic.

Tell her you were only staring because you're the seer; therefore, you should go to her place to avoid being night-killed.

Since protection from a night kill would imply bodyguard that will either scare her off because she believes the bodyguard must also be back at clap's house and that this is some weird threesome proposition or she will think he was fake revealing about being the seer and be scared away....

Granted she may be into the first thought but I would advise clap to investigate to make sure she isn't thinking the devil's threeway....

Hmmm, maybe I need a break from WW.... :devil:

This does sound like quite the awkward situation, claphamsa. But at least you're not a married guy who got caught looking at least twice by the same woman. And she didn't suddenly start inviting you to join her for lunch every time she wore a low-cut top, even though she didn't offer when she wore a turtleneck. And she didn't start making up pet names for you like you were her new best friend in the world. And she didn't try to sit on your lap in front of a bunch of stunned co-workers.

God, wouldn't that be something? Can't imagine what that experience would be like.

So, uh, anyway, schedule a meeting in Outlook and ask her to go out on a date.

Actually, it is quite enjoyable, especially if you are one of the stunned co-workers. You can stand up now, Pumpy.

This thread. It's fantastic.

+1

Since protection from a night kill would imply bodyguard that will either scare her off because she believes the bodyguard must also be back at clap's house and that this is some weird threesome proposition or she will think he was fake revealing about being the seer and be scared away....

Granted she may be into the first thought but I would advise clap to investigate to make sure she isn't thinking the devil's threeway....

Hmmm, maybe I need a break from WW.... :devil:

You guys are fooling yourselves.

Everyone knows clap will only get to the door of her house on Day One, say something weird, and then get himself lynched.

You guys are fooling yourselves.

Everyone knows clap will only get to the door of her house on Day One, say something weird, and then get himself lynched.

Winner

"Keep your eyes in your head on the metro" is actually youth slang for "keep your penis in my vagina".

I think. Could be wrong on that one. I'm like 70% sure.

:lol:

"Keep your eyes in your head on the metro" is actually youth slang for "keep your penis in my vagina".

I think. Could be wrong on that one. I'm like 70% sure.

Next time he sees her he should ask if that is in fact true. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?

To: Sexy train/staff chick
From: claphamsa

Subject: Need assistance with stationary/in-transit ocular activities

Dear Ms. #####,

I would like to thank you again for your constructive criticism regarding my observational abilities and assessment of the proper time at which to employ them. Since our previous discussion was cut short, however, I was wondering if you might have some free time to continue this conversation, as I am very interested in your advice.

Unfortunately my days, probably like yours, are quite full, but I could do a meeting after 5:00 if that is amenable to you. Offsite is fine.

Looking forward to your further insight.

Yours,
clampy, ESQ

FTW!!

You guys are fooling yourselves.

Everyone knows clap will only get to the door of her house on Day One, say something weird, and then get himself lynched.


OMFG!!!! LMAO!!!!

I heart Chief Rum.

This thread delivers. Multiple times over.

You guys are fooling yourselves.

Everyone knows clap will only get to the door of her house on Day One, say something weird, and then get himself lynched.

this made me chortle.

threads like these really are fofc's wheelhouse. me likey.

You guys are fooling yourselves.

Everyone knows clap will only get to the door of her house on Day One, say something weird, and then get himself lynched.

Girl: So clap, what do you do for a living?
Clap: Im some far programmer.
Girl: Uh...

Girl: So clap, what do you do for a living?
Clap: Im some far programmer.
Girl: Uh...


:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

YES YES YES

*dies laughing*

OMG how could I have forgotten some far programmer? I was going to lobby to make that clap's title for a while!

You should've told her you expected more, since it took her a month to come up with that.

Then tell her that you anticipated her responding with some play on what you just said, because those with amateur wit will regurgitate whatever it is you said in some form... and if that she is, indeed, expecting more, more is in your pants. And it won't take a month to fire up...unlike her contrived, obviously planned attempt at "wit".

You'll start a Bruce Willis/Cybil Shepard-esque relationship in no time.

This thread had me laughing out loud enough times to invite the attention of my wife. Good job guys.

Tell her you were only staring because you're the seer; therefore, you should go to her place to avoid being night-killed.
im not sure ive EVER been night killed....

This does sound like quite the awkward situation, claphamsa. But at least you're not a married guy who got caught looking at least twice by the same woman. And she didn't suddenly start inviting you to join her for lunch every time she wore a low-cut top, even though she didn't offer when she wore a turtleneck. And she didn't start making up pet names for you like you were her new best friend in the world. And she didn't try to sit on your lap in front of a bunch of stunned co-workers.

God, wouldn't that be something? Can't imagine what that experience would be like.

So, uh, anyway, schedule a meeting in Outlook and ask her to go out on a date.


well, its odd.... due to what I do I know LOTS of details about her..... and she only has a passing knowledge of me (among other things, I processed her security clearance)

You guys are fooling yourselves.

Everyone knows clap will only get to the door of her house on Day One, say something weird, and then get himself lynched.
sad but true :(

Girl: So clap, what do you do for a living?
Clap: Im some far programmer.
Girl: Uh...
were co workers... she knows what I do :)

Girl: So clap, what do you do for a living?
Clap: Im some far programmer.
Girl: Uh...
oh i get it... hahahaha :(

OMG how could I have forgotten some far programmer? I was going to lobby to make that clap's title for a while!
tried to do it... dont know how :(

I need to learn to multiquote :P

be cocky and funny and the world is your oyster.

But do you know how to fudge a bank statement?

this thread might have some of the highest HPP ratio ever seen here on FOFC

"I was only staring because you had a booger. I like that."

You should have used this line...

http://rlv.zcache.com/tell_your_breasts_to_stop_staring_at_my_eyes_tshirt-p235403032527114539qw9y_400.jpg

(.)(.)

well, its odd.... due to what I do I know LOTS of details about her..... and she only has a passing knowledge of me (among other things, I processed her security clearance)
Well, that gives you a head start. So you already know to bring a saddle and 3 ounces of blasting compound on the first date. She'll think you're a genius.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/45/LegendaryThread.jpg

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/45/LegendaryThread.jpg

Word. This is like "How Long to Call?" 's Messiah.

But do you know how to fudge a bank statement?

I hear women like that.

be cocky and funny and the world is your oyster.

Absolutely sage advice. If you don't have a joke prepared, try this one: an angry pirate is walking down the street with a steering wheel attached to his crotch. A concerned lady stops him and says, "sir, are you aware that you have a steering wheel, um..." "Arrrr," says the pirate, "and it's driving me nuts!"

I hear women like that.

Oh they do, more than people realize...

I hear women like that.
should i mention i wrote my second masters thesis on money laundering.......

Perfect! I think you may have enough to go on.

Report the results, plz.

So, it's Monday. Did you ask her out this weekend? If no, then why not?

I expect a full answer and pics by Noon Central.

And here I was thinking, damn this guy not only has a secretary but an assistance secretary...

So, it's Monday. Did you ask her out this weekend? If no, then why not?

I expect a full answer and pics by Noon Central.Hey now, making pics is your job around here.

;)

Ok, first of all, wow this was 3 pages buried :P talk about tons of posts!

I went to a work happy hour today, I met why she is getting divorced, his name is chris. :(

she introduced us, and she introduced me as the guy who was staring at her tits on the metro :D he said "well you have good taste" it was wierd after that.

Ok, first of all, wow this was 3 pages buried :P talk about tons of posts!

I went to a work happy hour today, I met why she is getting divorced, his name is chris. :(

she introduced us, and she introduced me as the guy who was staring at her tits on the metro :D he said "well you have good taste" it was wierd after that.

this is a joke right?

if she actually introduced you that way i think (from my limited knowledge) she totally wants you to hit that

this is a joke right?

if she actually introduced you that way i think (from my limited knowledge) she totally wants you to hit that

Nawh I think that's reading too much into it.

she introduced us, and she introduced me as the guy who was staring at her tits on the metro

You should have told her you were trying for a fake reveal.

lol, I got the impression they had been together a while... and her divorce isnt final yet.... oh well! I actually applied for a job in her group yesterday :p I could be her boss!

Nawh I think that's reading too much into it.

At the very least, there's basically no harm in going for it at this point.

I actually applied for a job in her group yesterday :p I could be her boss!

That's totally the wrong way to get into the panties...

That's totally the wrong way to get into the panties...

Agreed...
If you do end up with the job, be low key about it... I.E. "the whole separation between work and play" thing...

picsplsagainkthx

Ok, first of all, wow this was 3 pages buried :P talk about tons of posts!

I went to a work happy hour today, I met why she is getting divorced, his name is chris. :(

she introduced us, and she introduced me as the guy who was staring at her tits on the metro :D he said "well you have good taste" it was wierd after that.

Then after 5 minutes, you look at him and say, "You're still here?"

she introduced us, and she introduced me as the guy who was staring at her tits on the metro

sounds like a classy gal

This thread is one big confusing fail.

Then after 5 minutes, you look at him and say, "You're still here?"

LOLz

This thread is one big confusing fail.

If the OP doesn't tap that ass, then I agree with you.

this is a joke right?

if she actually introduced you that way i think (from my limited knowledge) she totally wants you to hit that



Yeah but DT, no offense dude, you're taste in women and strategies toward them don't have the best track record ;)



(runs for life before DT filets him)

this is a joke right?

if she actually introduced you that way i think (from my limited knowledge) she totally wants you to hit that

Or she was really hoping to start a fight.

In jello!

Dude, you hittin' that yet?

This would be a much better story if "Chris" was a girl.

So it's been what, two weekends since the original post?

Just remember, those who don't "get the p***y" are "the p***y".

Make it happen!

Ok, first of all, wow this was 3 pages buried :P talk about tons of posts!

I went to a work happy hour today, I met why she is getting divorced, his name is chris. :(

she introduced us, and she introduced me as the guy who was staring at her tits on the metro :D he said "well you have good taste" it was wierd after that.

So it's been what, two weekends since the original post?

Just remember, those who don't "get the p***y" are "the p***y".

Based on my reading of Claphasma's above post, it sounds like this woman is in the midst of a divorce because she was/is having an affair with some guy named Chris.

If this is the case, he did his reconnaisance and there is no shame or dishonor in aborting this mission.

Let me ask this, Clap, are you an orgy guy?

Let me ask this, Clap, are you an orgy guy?

lol

we should get a mod to change his title to "orgy guy"

Tell her tits to stop looking at your eyes.

Based on my reading of Claphasma's above post, it sounds like this woman is in the midst of a divorce because she was/is having an affair with some guy named Chris.

If this is the case, he did his reconnaisance and there is no shame or dishonor in aborting this mission.

Or he met one half of why she's getting a divorce while not getting the hint that he is to be the other half.

I mean sure, it's a difficult decision, but if this Chris guy is open to discussion the rotation method, I'm not seeing all that much of an issue here.

lol

we should get a mod to change his title to "orgy guy"

Not over "Some Far Programmer"!

Let me ask this, Clap, are you an orgy guy?
i got nothing wrong with sharing, as long as its not my women!

Yeah but DT, no offense dude, you're taste in women and strategies toward them don't have the best track record ;)



(runs for life before DT filets him)

lol - very true. no worres:D

i got nothing wrong with sharing, as long as its not my women!

what if it is someone else's woman?